Bleh!!!!

I was really sick on Christmas. Like the kind of sick where you know the only thing that is going to make you feel better, is throwing up. My parents came to our house in the morning and we opened gifts and ate breakfast. Well I pushed mine around on the plate.

We then proceeded over to the in laws house where they had their annual feast. It was gorgeous. Prime rib, salad, baked potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, garlic bread, etc. I wanted to eat so badly but everything in my body was against that notion. I sat and smelled and watched as everyone devoured their food. It was torture. I moved over onto the couch and eventually fell asleep. When I woke up I smelled onions. Awful, strong, pungent onions. I moved into the kitchen to get away from the smell. Low and behold their was a huge bowl of them right in front of me and I had to run to the bathroom where I finally threw up.

Phew. I finally felt a little bit better. I made my way outside for some cooler air and sat and visited for about 30 min. Went back inside to warm up again and then we finally went home. That was without a doubt the longest Christmas I have ever had. I am really glad that it's over.

The next day I felt so much better. Only a touch of nausea and I was able to go to work at night and get everything done! I am so grateful for answered prayers.  The whole time I was walking around my job last night I was saying a silent prayer that I would be able to do my job well and that everyone would be happy with my work. This job has been such a blessing financially and now that we expecting another baby, that money is going to become even more important.

I'm excited for what the New Year holds for our family. We have been so blessed and I know that blessing always come after the trials of our faith.  My mom gave me a new sign to hang on my wall. (I have a serious thing for signs) It says, " If you have faith in God, then you need to have faith in His timing. Elder Neal A. Maxwell". That statement could not be more poignant. Happy New Year!!!

Suprise!!!! Are you Excited?

I was really looking forward to Christmas this year. I love this holiday. Unfortunately we have all been really sick. Stomach flu, colds, and sore throats abound in our house right now. And to make things a little more exciting, I found out that I'm pregnant. Surprise!!!

I'm still in shock actually. After three years of not preventing a pregnancy and not becoming pregnant I thought my body was caput and couldn't have anymore. I sold every baby thing I had and was mentally and emotionally ready to move on.

Apparently Heavenly Father had other plans. He truly must have a sense of humor. He's probably up there saying," They've built their house and are settled, the kids are older, she got a good job......Let's give them a baby and see what they do now!"

When I called my husband to tell him the good news I cried. He asked me if I was excited and all I could say is,"I want to be." I am excited about this baby potentially being a girl since we have 3 boys. Of course we'll be just as thrilled if it's a boy but a sweet little girl would be lovely too. Right now I'm choosing to be cautiously optimistic. I don't want to get my hopes up again just to lose another one. After 15 weeks I'll be "excited" about the whole thing. At least that way I'll know that the baby isn't going anywhere and we will be able to start preparing for it.

Another thing that I'm super excited about is the age gap between my youngest and the new baby. Their is going to be almost 7 years between them! If it's a girl that's ok because then she'll have 3 older brothers to protect her. If it's a boy that will make me a little sad because then he won't really have anyone to play with close to his own age. Oh well. A lot of play groups I guess.

So here we go. I'm so grateful and excited. What a great Christmas present. Heavenly Father is very aware of us and the desires of our hearts. Blessings always come after trials.  Merry Christmas!!!

That is just Gross!

Yesterday as I was waiting my allotted 30 minutes in line to pick my  children up from school, I got a call. It was the school nurse. She informed me that my youngest had just thrown up outside while waiting for me to pick him up. She wanted me to park my monster of a car and come inside and get him myself. I politely informed her that there were no parking spots ANYWHERE on school property and that she would have to wait at least 45 minutes before I could even get out of the line.

She was thoroughly irritated and huffed a "fine" before hanging up. I finally got all of the kids picked up and my youngest informs me through his vomit bag that he threw up on one of the teacher's feet. All I thought was ," That is just gross." That poor teacher. I guess it's part of the job, but dang! That's pretty intense stuff to have to deal with when you go to work. Teacher's definitely don't get paid enough.

After a long bubble bath and some Gatorade he proceeded to throw up 2 more times and fall asleep while we ate dinner as a family. He woke up to watch a movie with the family but then fell asleep again on the couch for the rest if the night. When I got home from work I checked on him and moved his puke bowl closer to his face. He woke up and said, " Why are you scaring me, mom?" :)

Poor kid. I'm hoping that we all dodged this illness and we can stay healthy until after the holidays. Fingers crossed!

Just Not Feeling It

I'm not complaining. I'm just not feeling the holiday's like I used to. I'm not sure if it's because I'm working a night job now and I'm exhausted during my entire day, or if it's because I feel over scheduled and over pressured all of the time.

I feel like as soon as something is done, there is something else waiting. The hubby and I decided not to attend any parties this year because we are both burned out. I thought we were going to be able to relax until Christmas. Then I find out that I have a party to go to for work. Sigh. I love my boss though so I don't mind that much. :)

Then I find out that my youngest got invited to a birthday party on the same night as my work party. Sigh. Then I find out my kids classes need volunteers to help with their parties. Since I have 3 kids and only one of me I had to choose which class to help with and send stuff with the others.

I made 20 pies for friends and family. Sigh. Just found out the there are 3 more people that we need to give something to. More pies.

I'm feeling like I need a little vacation from Christmas. Too much pressure and not enough relaxing. I'm hoping as it get's closer that I will get a little more excited about it. But I'm just not feeling it yet.

Music...... The song of the Heart

Exciting News!!!! I got a piano!!!! I am so grateful and excited right now I can hardly stand it!!!My sweet Aunt Ann gave me her Yamaha studio piano because she isn't really using it anymore. I still can't believe it. When we built this house I left a specific spot in my house for my "future piano". That's how desperate I was. We hung pictures on that wall and when we placed the piano on it, we didn't have to move anything. It fit perfectly!

I played it for 2 hours yesterday and my boys have had fun plinking around on the keys. They want me to listen to every song that they create and critique it. It's really cute. I've always had this secret hope that I would be able to put them into piano lesson and have them be able to play beautifully. Now I'm down to hoping that they have enough piano lessons to learn how to play the hymns. We'll see. My oldest right now is an aspiring recorder player. :)

I started playing the piano when I was 6. It's been 25 years since then. I've had a piano in my home for 9 of my 13 years of marriage. I've really missed it. I'm not a great piano player by any means but I can play some pretty hard pieces which is oddly gratifying. It feels good to know that you conquered something difficult.

Music had always been important to me. I'm not the best communicator but I could always find a song that expressed exactly how I was feeling at the moment. I think Heavenly Father understood that music is a way for a lot of people to communicate. Amazing. I am so overwhelmed and grateful for sweet and generous family and friends.

A Holiday Survival Guide

As the holidays draw near, I begin to feel a certain dread and anxiety start to infest my thoughts and I'm irritable and frustrated. The holidays used to be my favorite time of year and I always looked forward to doing all of the "traditional" fare that came along with it. Nowadays I want to get it over with as soon as possible and get on with life as I know it.

So how can we survive "The most wonderful time of the year"?

1.Get most of your Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. I know it sounds a little Type A but you miss the crowds and grouches. There isn't the rush and anxiety to get the last one of anything. They have plenty of everything.

2. Find a wonderful go to recipe for friend neighbor gifts and make it ahead of time. Mine is a unique pie that can be frozen. I wrap it up beautifully and everyone loves it.

3. Wrap everything as soon as you can. It's one less thing on your list and your snoopy kids won't be able to look in bags and peek.

4.Don't go crazy on decorating your house. This one frustrates me the most. Unless you are having a fabulous party at your house, there really is no point. I stick to decorating one room and making that one count.
 5. Don't let your families stress you out. If they want Christmas to play out like a soap opera, then participate as little as possible. Maybe go out of town for a white Christmas?

6. If you absolutely have to do Black Friday, take a friend who doesn't want to buy anything. They can help you maximize your shopping. Plus they can push people out of the way so you can get what you want.:)

7. Play only your favorite Christmas music when you want to. The all of the time Christmas music playing radio stations are not for me. I can't do peppy and excited all of the time. Sometimes you need to decompress with a little Enya, Pearl Jam, or even R.E.M. Don't force having Christmas cheer.

8.Have a sense of humor. On my front door along my wreath is a sign that says, "When you stop believing in Santa, you get UNDERWEAR. I love it.

9. Buy something for yourself. I used to get so mad that I was giving all of these great presents to everyone else and I never got anything I wanted. That's just stupid. You are important too and deserve to have a little holiday fun!

10. Keep it simple. A few Christmas' ago things got really out of hand. The kids got way too many presents, I had 20 pies to make, and we had a huge Christmas party at our house. Never again. The kids are down to 3 presents each, I only make pies for people that have talked to me in the last 6 months, and we are not having parties anymore.

I am actually looking forward to Christmas this year. No stress, everything is done, and I can sit back and watch my kids be excited about all of the fun that is going to happen.

Merry Christmas Everyone! And good luck!

Quiet Confidence

As I have said before on many previous posts, I'm grateful for the challenges I have been given, and for the blessings that have followed them. They may not be the blessings that I would have chosen, but they are still wonderful none the less.

As I was sitting in church on Sunday I was feeling extremely happy. Anyone who has been reading this blog knows that going to church has been really hard for me lately. There are a few women who have been less than nice and gracious to me and I really have been struggling. One of them was speaking at the pulpit and as I was listening to her an overwhelming feeling of peace and pity came over me. I actually felt sorry for her. Anyone who could behave in such a way deserved my pity not my hate and frustration. She was obviously threatened by me for reasons that I can't even understand, but she was. I processed the last 6 months and realized that I had tried to reach out to her on numerous occasions (even though I was the one being attacked by her.) She hasn't reached out once. Hmmm.

So I'm going to just keep on doing what I've been doing. Going about my days, being kind to everyone, putting effort into the relationships that mean something to me, and having the quiet confidence that I have. That is where the blessings come in. The peace that I felt in church on Sunday was amazing. I have really struggled with forgiving and forgetting. It wasn't so much that I was attacked, it was more that I really couldn't believe that grown women still behave that way. It was very disturbing. I think that was the hardest part of the whole thing for me to get over. But when I stopped thinking about it and ignored them, the peace came. The quiet confidence of knowing that I'm not like them and that I would never do anything like that to anyone, and that I don't need to stoop to their level. Which is pretty low.

I am very grateful for a Heavenly Father that is aware of me. Even for the insignificant concerns of my daily life. And this concern that has been bothering me so much is pretty insignificant. My husband has been pretty amazing as well. I am very grateful for his support and love during this hard time. He didn't make me feel stupid for feeling upset and stuck up for me numerous times. I love him dearly. He really made the difference.

I am very excited to say that this is the last post I will be doing about this particular subject.

13 years and counting!!!!

I can't believe that 13 years have already happened! It has really flown by. We have had so many amazing blessings and challenges happen in our married life that it's too much to write down. I am so grateful that I had a partner around that was willing to grow and learn along side me.

Here's the short list of what's happened to us in the last 13 year:

November 2, 1999- Got married

January 2000- Had our first miscarriage

September 2000- Bought our first house

September 2002- Had our first baby

June 2004- I was stalked by a scary old man

July 2004- Had our second baby

July 2004- Sold our first home and bought our second

September 2004- Moved into our second home

December- 2006 Had our third baby

2007- 2009- had 4 more miscarriages

2011- Built our own home and moved

2012- Enjoying our new home and our family

In between all of that we had a ton of fun vacations to Hawaii, Mexico, and family cabins. Life has been interesting, that's for sure. But I'm always grateful for the challenges we've been given and for the blessings that have always followed.

THe only thing in life that stays the same...... You will always have to clean

This week has been a little crazy and frustrating. My sweet Uncle's funeral was yesterday. It was very nice and my children sang "I Hope They Call  Me On a Mission". They did a great job along with their cousins and we returned home by 3:00 p.m. to a filthy house. Exhausted, I changed my clothes and laid on my bed until it was time to go to work at 8:00 p.m. I proceeded to work and returned home at 10:30 p.m. to an even filthier house.

My darling children had decided to trash our playroom with popcorn, Wii games, movies, and DS games. I was not a happy mom when I woke up this morning. My husband still had not cleaned up his hunting gear from out of our kitchen and we have a sleeping bag on my couch that doesn't even belong to us. :(

Dirty dishes are overflowing as well as dirty laundry and I really don't care to look in the bathrooms to see the situations in there. Sigh. 

I really need to go grocery shopping but don't have the drive to go online and print my list off, coupons, and drive there.  Cereal for dinner isn't a bad thing, is it? I used to love to cook and clean, but now I really could care less about either. My domestic title has officially been stripped and it frustrates me a little. I literally just don't have the energy anymore.

I love having my job. I like the quiet time, the extra money it brings in, and the sense of accomplishment I have from doing it. But it's starting to take a little bit of a toll on my home life. I don't believe those mother's who work full time and say that they can do it all. Bull. Something suffers. Housework, time spent with children, laundry, etc. No one can have it all.

So I've decided that the only thing that I can count on in my life, is the fact that I will be cleaning for the rest of my life. Here goes!

Saying Goodbye

On Friday I was able to go and visit my aunt an uncle at the assisted living facility that they were living at. I am so grateful for that opportunity because my sweet uncle passed away on Sunday. He is an amazing man.

Those two had a lot of fun together. They traveled the world (numerous times), took cruises, lived abroad, worked for NASA, and always wanted to have fun. Uncle Ernie always had a smile on his face, loved to tell stories and jokes, and always looked forward to your hugs. You always felt special around those two.

He had to fight with cancer. Prostate, I think. Horrible disease and he deteriorated fairly quickly. His beautiful wife (Aunt Ann) was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. She decided to have a mastectomy, and was then diagnosed with bone cancer. She also has Parkinson's disease. As these two were literally falling apart right next to each other, they took care of each other. It was a very dear and tender thing to see. I love them both very much.

Now my Aunt Ann is left here until it's her time to go. I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now. Sadness, loneliness, and frustration? Who knows. All I know is that she is amazing and wonderful and I pray that she will have comfort and peace right now. Anyone who is LDS knows that they will be together forever when she passes away. They will be with their parents and their son that passed away from a brain tumor. It will be wonderful when that happens. But for here and now, I will pray for her and the life that she will have now.

My Uncle Ernie was such a great guy. Always letting me swim in their pool, looking out for me, letting me clean their home to earn extra money, and always making me feel special whenever I came around. I love him and will miss him for the time being.

I don't usually bear my testimony because it is such a special thing for me, but I feel like I need to today. I have a firm testimony that when people pass on, it's not the end. I know that we can be with our families for eternity. To love and associate with them just as we did here on earth. I know that our loving Heavenly  Father wants us to be happy here on earth, and even though we have trials in our lives, we can still choose to be happy through them and look for the good in everything. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the most complete and true church on the earth today and that the teachings it gives are true and correct. I know this. The Holy Ghost has let me know that what I am saying is true. In the name of Jesus Christ.... Amen.

Single Parent........ For Another weekend

So Mr. D. (my hubby) is gone again on another hunting trip. He's already gone on two and really felt the need to go again so that my oldest son can get his first kill. Luckily I only have one child at home this weekend and have nothing planned for the little guy.

So far I have scouted the movie theatres, looked up fun things for kids to do in our area (nothing), and have debated about whether or not to take him to a nice restaurant.  The movie theatres are a bust. They only have two Halloween kid shows playing. Hotel Transylvania (saw it last weekend with my other kid), and Frankenweenie (looks wierd and boring).

2 days of alone time. Heaven. I'm kind of a loner. I actually crave being by myself and reading, watching a good movie, or just not being nagged to death. I miss them when they are gone and are glad when they get home, but I don't mind them being gone every once in awhile.

The plans for today are to visit my aunt and uncle, my grandma, pay bills, grocery shop, eye appointment, hopefully go to lunch somewhere tasty, and hang out with my little guy tonight watching movies.

Tomorrow? Who knows.

The Holiday's Are Coming!!!!

OMG. FYI I am already making my gift lists for people that I know and love. Ok go ahead and laugh at how type A I am, but I don't care. There is a wonderful sense of satisfaction when everyone is purchased for, it's wrapped, and you can relax a bit. Lovely.

For as long as I can remember my mom has had all of her Christmas shopping done by October. Everyone laughed at how planned she was but when they were all at the Black Friday sales manning the crowds, she was at home. Ha

I like doing things that way. The holidays can be really hectic especially with as many people as we know. So a little prudence on my part is really going to pay off. Yay. I am so excited! So far my list includes 20 people and we are still counting. I guess that is something to be grateful for. A list full of people that mean something to me. :)

So far I have come up with salsa and chips, pumpkin pecan pies, hot chocolate kits, cookies, and gift baskets. I absolutely love the holidays. Cold air, comfort food, and friends and family. I can't wait.
Good luck to everyone as the craziness is about to begin.

Amazing!!!!

I do not know by what means it is possible that prayers are answered  but I am grateful that they are. These past 7 months have been wonderful. It always seems that after going through a really tough time there is a reprieve waiting at the end. Thank heavens.

After going through a tough patch for 3 years financially, we are finally seeing a little light. Things aren't as tight as they once were and I have a job that I thoroughly enjoy that doesn't take time away from my family. It's almost too perfect. It had to come from Heavenly Father. That's the only explanation that I can think of. The pay is exactly what I needed, my boss is the sweetest person I ever met, and the schedule is at night so I can be here for the kids during the day. Amazing.

I have noticed the blessings as I go through out my day. I wish money didn't play such a big part in our daily lives but unfortunately it does. But I have noticed that I don't have to stress out as much about what I buy at the grocery store. Or how I don't have to sweat over whether or not my kids can attend a birthday party because I can't buy a gift. Blessings, blessings,blessings.

Super grateful right now.

Dear So and So

My near and dear friend has been writing letters again. I do so enjoy them. :) So in the spirit of expressing ourselves I'm going to write a few of my own.

Dear person who's cart is in the middle of the grocery isle,
Thank you for parking your shopping cart right in the middle of the soup isle. I loved waiting for you to look at each and every soup can deciding which one would taste the best for your gourmet lunch. I wish carts had horns on them. Then at least I wouldn't have wasted 5 minutes waiting for you.
P.S. The isles are large enough for two carts to be next to each other.
Sincerely,
Move It Sweetie


Dear Person who opens bottles at the store,
I totally saw you. Not a huge deal but thought that I would let you know that those bottles are sealed for a reason. When I purchase an item from said store I like to think that I am buying something that hasn't been tainted and opened and sniffed by someone else. How do I know that you didn't stick your fat little fingers into the lotion bottle to test it? Think about it.
Sincerely,
Not yours until you pay for it

Dear, Dear Coupon Lady,
Kudos to you for taking the time to coupon and save 120% on your last grocery bill. Shame on you for doing this at the register at 3:00 p.m. at the height of the shopping craziness. Those of us in the line behind you had a wonderful time watching you fumble with your THOUSANDS of coupons and arguing with the cashier about whether or not they were expired. Very entertaining.  Also it would be wonderful if you could leave some hand soap and toothpaste for the rest of us.
P.S. The lady right behind you was making stabbing motions at your back.
Sincerely,
Get your crap together and do this stuff early in the morning

Dear Political Wooooo-man,
Please stop trying to convince me that my political views are wrong and yours are right. We obviously have different values, opinions, and goals for our lives. Having your voice get gradually louder during your speech isn't going to get me to change my mind. You are way too intense. We are all going to do what we think is best in this next election. Give it a rest. Your "mother earth" ways definitely didn't do anything to impress me either. Frightening. Take a bath, comb your hair, get a job, stop smoking marijuana, and learn to stand for something that is going to last longer than the United States of America's first black president's term.
Sincerely,
Someone who takes a bath regularly

How are you? Nope. Never get asked that question.

Time to clean house. When I say that, I mean my mental and emotional house. Cleaning the "other" house is a given. It always needs to be cleaned. I've been feeling a little depleted lately. I suddenly realized one Sunday after church that I asked 10 people how they were and not one person asked me how I was. Not that everything always has to be about me, but I realized that the people I had talked to, didn't really care about what was going on in my life. Eye opener to say the least.

Then I went on to realize that all I do is care for others. Not a bad thing but I need to be replenished sometimes too. I cook, clean, pick up, drop off, wash, go to work, give back scratches every night, grocery shop, and care for everyone else. I got home from work last night at 11:30 p.m. to a filthy house, food left on the counter, food on the floor, and dishes everywhere. I cried a little bit. I decided to tackle it in the morning, took a shower, and couldn't fall asleep for another 2 hours. I kept thinking about how my own family couldn't help me out a little.  I made dinner after all. It made me sad.

Woke up the next morning and cleaned, did laundry, and cried a little again. I kept thinking, is this how my life is going to be? Lonely, frustrated, and ticked off? I wasn't in a happy place this morning. I'm really enjoying working.It's been a great outlet for me. I don't feel cooped up in my house anymore. That's a nice feeling. But I feel like I've spent the last 13 years supporting and making sure that everything is running smoothly in order to facilitate my husbands ability to earn a living. I've saved money, worked odd jobs to earn extra money, not gone shopping, never demanded anything. Now I kind of feel like it's my turn a little bit to have some support and respect.

So I've decided to clean house. I truly need good decent people in my life that are encouraging and kind. For as long as I can remember I've always felt like a mother hen. Checking on my friends, calling them, touching base,  helping them figure out problems, and I'm a little tired. It's sad but I wish my phone would ring a little more often than it does. Everyone is so busy, so I guess I'm going to need to be too busy too.

Feeling Happy

Yaya for vacations. They are absolutely wonderful when your kids are old enough to need minimal help on anything. I don't think I really realized how frazzled I was becoming but I do now. Coming home from a relaxing vacation was wonderful. I actually feel refreshed and ready to get going again.

Got a text from an old friend asking me to go to lunch with her and some other friends. I had a lot of fun. I haven't done that in awhile. I'm grateful for grounded women in my life. The kind that help put things into perspective and have intelligent opinions. Not overly emotional but accepting and kind. Love that. They are truly fabulous ladies.

So back to the vacation. I would post pictures except that my computer won't let me download them from my picture chip in my camera. :( I actually got some really cute one's of the boys. So I'll give you the run down. We went to Mexico. Went shopping at a place that we affectionately call "Shacks 5th Ave." Found some cute floppy cammo hats for the boys. We went clamming. We actually dug up clams, put them in buckets of water, and ate them. They were delicious. We went swimming in the ocean and the swimming pool at the condo. Got sunburned. Really badly. Went jet skiing in the ocean. That was a lot of fun. We had a blast. We were busy most of the time but it was a fun busy and I wish that we could have stayed longer.

Doing It Mexican Style

Yay!!! We get to go to Mexico for Labor Day weekend!!! So friggin' excited I can't stand it! We missed the last Dana family trip down to my in laws condo so this time we made sure to make it! I got 2 new swim suits from Land's End. Not a huge deal to some but for those of us that have been blessed in the bosom area it's a big deal to find a swim suit that can keep you where you need to be.

I've always loved the ocean and have been to CA almost every summer growing up. Since getting married I have not made it to my beloved ocean as often as I would have liked, so this is a huge treat for me.  I'm looking forward to going clamming and putting them in my bucket of water over night so they can spit their sand out and I can eat em'. :) I'm also looking forward to doing absolutely nothing. How nice that will be for a change.

My little family is not very sun worthy though. Our white pasty skin burns within minutes of being in the sun so we all wear t-shirts and board shorts. We look like the quintessential tourists. Oh well. At least we can always find each other on the beach.:)

Hopefully I will have some good pictures to share with everyone when we get back. Happy Labor Day y'all!

Take it Easy

I would love to do exactly what the title says to do: Take IT Easy. No such luck as I'm sure it is for everyone else out there. Life is not slowing down any time soon and I'm trying to take it all in stride. I know that when I'm in my 60's and 70's I will probably wish I was still this busy.

What a wild and fun ride these past few months have been. Trips with friends, new job, moving into a newly built house (made by the Dana family.... ahem), dinner's, baptism's, weddings, and vacations. It's been fabulous by the way.

I am loving every minute of it, I just need to get my energy up. Been feeling slightly sluggish. Like I need to take a nap at 1:00 p.m. every day for at least an hour to get through the rest of my day. Now most people would think that to be abnormal, but I have been talking to my mom and have found out that many of my aunt's and my own Grandma have had to take a nap every day to perk them up. So I don't feel so guilty for needing the extra ZZZ's.

So the point of this entry is to remind myself to be grateful for the business, silliness, and tediousness, and enjoy the down time when it's available. Everything in perfect harmony and balance. Ommmmm.

Putting Things Into Perspective

I have a wonderful friend that is embarking on an amazing journey in her life that typically doesn't happen when you're in your mid thirties with kids. She's getting remarried! I LOVE that! I don't know about everyone else out there but I love, LOVE!

I generally don't think about what it would be like to re marry after having your marriage fall apart, but it definitely put things into perspective for me regarding my own marriage. One thing that I've noticed for sure is the need for respect. It goes both ways. One side can't be so burnt out from pleasing the other side that they feel depleted and left lonely. I would hope that in an ideal situation both sides would be so concerned about the other that they make that person feel replenished, loved, and respected.

Communication: Another light bulb moment came a few days ago when Mr. D asked my opinion on something. I just about fell over! I felt respected. Like what I had to say about the matter, mattered! It was amazing. It goes hand in hand with the whole showing respect thing. If you care about someone, then you'll care about what they think and feel. Amazing. The communication factor is huge in a marriage. Especially for women. I want to break a situation down and figure out how we got there, and how to get it back on track. Mr. D. not so much. But that is a very common characteristic of men. IF you do happen to be married to a communicator, then you are a very lucky woman. Men generally don't want to fix what ain't broke. If something is broken, then they want to have a solution and be done. That's okay. After all we are from two different planets.

The last thing that has come into focus is romance. I love it. I want "us" time.When there is no other distractions to take us away from each other's zone's. But here's the catch, my husband is tired! I mean really tired. Poor guy. So here's what ends up happening. Back rubs for him so he can fall asleep, nice meals being made by me for him, and quick phone calls throughout the day making sure that he's having an okay day. Sigh. But guess what? I'm the one he turns to for just about everything and I feel needed and important. Every once in awhile he'll call me from Costco and go shopping for me. I love that! There's a saying that we ruin our already wonderful lives with visions of what it should be like. Hmm. Very true.

Finding a positive twist on the things that are happening in our lives is a challenge sometimes but well worth the effort. It's not being delusional, it's choosing to find happiness in our current situations. Whatever they may be. And that's all I have to say about that!

SChool is starting!!!

I can't believe that school is going to start next week!!!! It's crazy to think that I will have a Kindergartner this year!!! My boys are growing up way too fast for my liking! Next year I won't have anyone home at all! While it's a little bittersweet, I want to enjoy watching my Kindergartner spread his wings a little this year and watch him get excited about all of the cool things he's going to get to do. It's an exciting time at our house.

My middle child is 8 today. We are slowly inching our way towards middle age and our children are becoming more independent. It's a new phase in our family and I'm excited for it. What a wonderful blessing it is to watch my children become fabulous young adults. They are stellar young men if I do say so myself, and I'm so excited to see them figure out their world's.

Sometimes it breaks my heart when they get frustrated and cry when they can't figure something out, but then my heart soars for them when they realize that they can figure it and it wasn't such a big deal after all. It's amazing to see myself and Mr. D in their personalities and mannerisms. That can also be a little frightening too at times.:)

I have nothing but hope for the future and can't wait to see what it brings to our little family. So here's to a fabulous school year and to many more wonderful memories and experiences.

Work It!!!!

I Got a Job!!!!! I am sooo excited. For a while now I have had this looming frustration hanging over my head. I've known that my youngest is going to be starting Kindergarten this year and the other two are in school full time already. I will have nothing to do!!!! I still want to be home when they get home and be available during the day in case they get sick or need new clothes, etc. That doesn't exactly make it easy to find a job that fits that criteria.

Mr. D. sold a fence to a local manufactured home community and right before he left the manager mentioned that her cleaning lady was leaving and they needed someone to start after the summer was over. It was at night for a few hours every night. Mr. D called me and asked if I was interested and I called her right away. I interviewed and got the job!!! I start in September and am excited for the extra money!!!!

What a blessing this opportunity is! I have been praying for something, checking craigslist for jobs, and really hoping something would pan out. I am so grateful!

This way I get to stay home during the day and maintain the house and kids, eat dinner with my family, and then go to work after the kids are in bed.

My responsibilities include cleaning bathrooms and facility buildings. It's a gorgeous facility. They've remodeled it. It has marble floors, granite counters, leather furniture, and beautiful finishes. The last gal that worked there, worked there for 20 years. I like that. I would be able to get my kids raised and still work.

I am really grateful for all of the experience I've had cleaning people's homes over the years. I wasn't overwhelmed at all when the manager took me around the facility. It's a lot, but with a good schedule figured out I think I will be just fine. I am so excited!!!!!

The Grass is Always Greener Where You Water It!!!

Trying to remember that. We had a nice and relaxing vacation up at the in laws cabin endearingly called "The Rat Shack". We were able to sleep in a travel trailer outside and it was very peaceful and quiet. I only read one book up there which isn't a lot. The last time we went I read the whole "Children of the Promise" series. We went on a fun wagon ride with the mules. They have a covered wagon. I really enjoyed that.

Then me and the Mr. went on a scouting expedition for his upcoming antelope hunt. We saw a HUGE herd of elk grazing in the middle of lower Lake Mary. The lake is dry.:) Hence the elk being in the middle of it. Mr. D had his binoculars and he swears there were at least 300. It was neat.

We ate, read, slept, visited, and the kids had a ball with their cousins. Everyone took a day for cooking and it was nice to only have to cook for one day.  We were hoping for rain the whole time but only got a few sprinkles. Just enough to get the cars gross. The weather was in the 80's so we were outside for the majority of the time.

I was sitting on a blanket near my niece watching her while her mom used the restroom and I had a bug on me. No big deal. I killed it and there was blood all of over my hand and pants. I think I had my very first encounter with a tick. For the remainder of the trip I was paranoid. Checking the bed before I got into it, scratching and itching myself from pretend offenders, and freaking out every time I saw something that even remotely looked like one. Those things are nasty.

It was a nice respit from our daily affairs but I have to admit that I'm glad to be home. Having a sleep number bed definitely makes it hard to sleep anywhere else.

Speaking of grass, the Mr. wants to get ours planted this week. We have a baptism coming up and he would like to have that done before the party at our house. I have to say that it will be nice to have it done, but I'm not looking forward to having to do it in the hottest time of the summer. :( Oh well.  Wish us luck!!!

Befuddled

Befuddled. Now that's a mouth full. It's the word that I have chosen to describe my current state. Being that it's summer and I don't really have any pressing requirements on me every day, I'm feeling a little out of sorts. I don't have much to do, can't decide on what to do, and have no desire to do anything. Nothing seems uber important and everything is kind of just there.

I've started taking the kids to the library once a week to get enough books to occupy them for the week. They love it. The problem is, is that I find myself getting books for me and that's all I end up doing. Reading all day long. It's wonderful and I'm not complaining about being able to read books all day, it's just that I feel like I should be doing anything else.

The laundry, the park, the bathrooms, dinner, anything. But I just can't muster the energy or will to do it. I'm not sure if I'm a little depressed or lazy. I'll cook a fabulous 3 course meal for dinner one day, and then won't cook for 3 days after. We have run out of leftovers by then too and my husband is not a cereal for dinner kind of guy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not feeling myself. My life seems to go in cycles. One minute I'm super busy with kids, friends, and family, and I feel like I can't keep up. The next minute the phone is totally dead and there is nothing going on at all. I don't exactly know what do to with myself. THe good thing is that I know that it won't be like this forever and I'm trying to enjoy the quiet and tranquility before the crazy comes again. I just feel a little lost right now.

Befuddled words from a befuddled girl.

I can't believe it!!!!

Last Saturday I happened to be "in town" near the Mesa temple and had the genius idea to take my 7 (soon to be 8 year old) there and take some pictures for his invitations.  What a fun day. It was hot. Real hot. And the poor little guy was sweating to death in that great looking suit. I felt like we got some really nice shots. There were 4 weddings outside at the time trying to take their pictures so the locations to choose from were slim. Apparently Saturday's are not good days to take pictures at the temple. Just saying.

I got home and was so excited to print them off and low and behold, almost every picture we had taken makes him look like he's in pain. This particular child is not a fan of the sun. He hates it in his eyes and then they water and he looks like he's crying. I tried to find as many shady spots as I could but like I said, locations were slim to none. I really wanted to get him by the awesome fountain that they used to have by the reflection pool by the visitor's center. Guess what? It's gone. There a historical log there now. I was a little disappointed.

So this is what we are left with. And I can honestly say I think he looks adorable. I love you dearly and am so proud of you and the great little man you are becoming. Happy 8th birthday!!!!

Alone Again.......Naturally

For the second time in two weeks I am a single parent. My husband was gone at scout camp for an entire week. Now I think that is just ridiculous. When you are leaving your wife and three small children home alone for an entire week with the responsibilities of maintaining a 3 acre parcel of land and countless numbers of animals to care for, the camp should only be 3 days long!!!

This next trip that he is on is one he chose to participate in. He and a buddy are driving to Oregon to pick up 6 Dexter cows. It's going to take 3 days of non stop driving and I worry. They already had two flat tires on the horse trailer, the exhaust clamp break, and they picked up a guy on the side of the road that had run his car off of the road. Too crazy.

My dear husband also decided to skip Father's Day with his children. That one bugs me a little. The kids were looking forward to making him breakfast and coloring pictures for him. Sigh. Oh well. I married a man that grew up in a family where his own father took off out of town on birthdays and Father's Day. What else should I expect?

So for now I'm on my own with three rowdy kids. Hopefully things calm down a little bit and I can get something done before my husband gets home.

Baptism invitation pictures to come!!!

Music

Music has always had a profound impact on my life, moods, and outlook. I can remember sitting on my bed  when I was in High School mourning the loss of another boyfriend and listening to U2 or Toad The Wet Sprocket. It's hard to explain but it helped me feel better. Music has always been able to do that for me.

Now I understand that music doesn't always have the same effect on different people but I'm grateful to know that it does have an effect on me. I always know that when I'm feeling sad, mad, funny, crazy, or whatever I'm feeling, I know there is going to be a song that is going to go right along with how I'm feeling.

I love being with my friends and having an awesome song come on the radio and cranking it up in my car and singing along. It's amazing. I love hearing the song that my hubby and I danced to at our reception come on. It takes me back and brings back all of those feelings again. I look at him for a moment, the way I used to when we were just starting out together.

I love hearing the Louis Armstrong song that I used to listen to when I would rock my babies. It has such an optimistic message that is so sweet and tender. Music has a way of taking me back to memories , places, times, and people that i don't think about all of the time. I love that. I don't hold on to material items. I never have. I rented my wedding dress.

But I do hold on to music. Old and new and I love it. Always.

Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun, Right?

Mr. D has been out of town for a week. I think that is the longest we have ever been a part. I think I can handle it. Just not too often. I love Mr. D but it's nice not to have to make everything work with 2 adult schedules all of the time. It's been strangely relaxing. Hmmm.

So the other day a thought popped into my head. Why don't I have a bunch of my girlfriends over for dinner and a fun game of mexican train? So I invited them and they are coming over tonight. Yay!!!! I making the Cafe' Rio Sweet Pork salad. Yummm. And then we are going to have blueberry cobbler with whipped cream on top. Yummmm again.

The friends invited are limited because I don't own enough chairs for everyone. I hope to remedy that soon. I have so many wonderful friends. It was really hard to choose who to invite. I think this group will be light, upbeat, and lowkey which is something that I think all of us could use right now. :)

Gotta clean the house, do my hair, make the food, and get it all displayed. Hope everyone loves it!!

Good food, good company, and a good time to be had by all. So looking forward to this!!!

Spoiled!!!!

I just wanted to say a wonderful and large thank you to my amazing mom!!! She had myself, my aunt Daline, and my dear friend Sonja up to her cabin this past weekend for a seriously desired girls trip. My mom and I and our families had already been up there the previous weekend for my birthday. These trips have been a lot of work for her!!!

We went shopping, ate delicious food, watched a great movie, and played my all time favorite domino game Mexican Train. What a delightful time.We rested, read books, and visited. It was just the upliftment I needed for my Spirit. These women are of such a high calibre that I felt a little super ceded, but happy to be in there company nonetheless.

They are fabulously talented and creative and choose to seek answers for questions, problems, etc. They are curious, well spoken, and intelligent and I count myself blessed and fortunate to be counted one of them. I love being around my family and friends that truly understand me and my personality. I feel special and loved and I truly believe that is a gift that only they can give to me.

Thank you mom for thinking of all of us the recipients of this wonderful gift that you gave. I feel blessed and rejuvenated. I love you dearly.

Elise

Birthday Bliss!!!

Can I say what a wonderful 31st birthday I had!!! Thanks mostly to my wonderful mother and father. They have an amazing cabin in Prescott and graciously allow me and my husband to truck our wild bunch up there and mess up the place. Granted, we do clean it up, but it's a mess while we're there.

These days I have been feeling rushed and pulled and tugged on. I find myself hiding in my room as soon as we have finished eating dinner. I don't want to feel pressured after a full day of it. This weekend with my kids showed me that I'm becoming a little detached. I could go into the T.V. room and watch a show with them. It wouldn't kill me. I could even play a few rounds of Mexican Train (an all time Fuller favorite) and I wouldn't pass out from it.

The vacation was much needed and I feel a little more refreshed and ready to do this thing called life all over again. We''ll see how long that lasts, but I'm optimistic. I enjoy my children. They are bright, funny, observant, and unique. They each have their own personalities and I see myself in them often.

I get to go back to that wonderful cabin in 5 days. I'm taking an amazing friend with me. My mom and aunt are going to be there too! I am sooo excited. I am looking forward to a few days with a bunch of fun girls and getting away from my testosterone filled house. I'm not usually one to opt for a vacation away from my husband, but since it's only for a weekend and my mom and aunt are going to be there, I think it's alright. :)

So the goal for this week is to spend more time with my kids and make it a really fun week with them before I leave.

Partay!!!!!!!

I am soooo ready to get my partay on!!!!!!!  31 is not the most exciting birthday in the world, so I am going to create my own excitement! Gosh darnit! I wanna have some fun!!!!! I'm tired of being depressed and want to be out of the house socializing and eating good food, and being around really fun people!!!! I'm tired of always having to work hard. Yes, I do realize that it is a part of life and that it's necessary, but I want to be a little carefree for awhile.

So the plan goes like this. I am leaving. Not forever. This Friday. Until Monday. A few days that's all. :) I'm going to Prescott. The place I love. Cooler weather, comfy bed, awesome food, and relaxation. So excited!!!!!! No work, or responsibilities. AHhhhhhhh!!!!

Copycat Letters

One of my adorable friends from way back when sometimes posts letters to "anonymous" people about her frustrations, delights, and appreciation. I love the idea. I thinks it's adorable and allows me to get it all out without specifically pinpointing someone. So here goes. Thanks Rachel Dixon!

Dear Insecure woman,
I'm sorry that you don't want to me to cook anything and bring it to share because it makes you feel inadequate. My advice to you would be to spend the hours in the kitchen like I have over the years practicing different recipes and making my poor family eat them until they are perfect. Nothing makes a good cook like practice. It's not my fault that you have to be the center of attention all of the time and can't let somebody else feel the lime light a little bit. Get over yourself.
P.S. I will never give you another recipe of mine again so you can take credit for it. Get your own, loser.
Sincerely,
A confident cook


Dear Inconsiderate person,
I know that when someone offers you something for free it's amazing and you want to get as much as possible. But guess what? There are billions of other people on this planet who might need or want that stuff as much as you. The next time the opportunity arises, please think of others and leave enough left for someone else. Hoarding is a serious epidemic in this country. If we all share a little bit more and think a little bit less of ourselves, things might be a little better for everyone. I would hate to see you end up on a T.V. show about people who can't control themselves. Think about it.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen

Dear Perfect Mother,
I love how you think that your mothering skills are the end all to be all answer to every one's mothering quandaries. FYI your children are bullies and stuck up brats. They way more cavities than normal and dress like they are homeless while you go shopping for yourself. You are fine with monitoring other people's children but when your kids are talked to, you become defensive. You have given them a god complex and I can't wait to see it when someone knocks your perfect children off of their pedestals. You have crippled them from ever being thoughtful or kind to anyone and in having normal healthy relationships because no one will build them up in their minds as much as you. Great job! You have now created children who will never leave your home and constantly complain about how something is wrong with everyone else.
P.S. If your kid picks on my kid one more time..... I will take care of it myself if you won't.
Sincerely,
Karma is a b....

Dear Brat,
I was hoping that the reason you were being so unkind was due to apparent fact that you are pregnant and not feeling well. I have now come to the conclusion that it is just you. I am very happy for you that you work full time and make an absorbent amount of money and can buy whatever you want. I'm also happy for you that you can take as many vacations as you want. But the fact that you are such a cheap skate when it comes to buying everyday items and feel the need to take more of free produce than you could possibly need to feed your little family is too much. The world does not revolve around you. I actually feel bad for you and your bubble life. Appreciate what you have now because it could all be gone in a second. Oh and also, just because your on top now, doesn't mean you get to kick others when their down. When your turn comes around to be down, those people you kicked may not be there to help you.
Sincerely,
Tired of trying to make an effort

Dear My sweet Mr D.,
Just a little note to thank you for trying so hard to make Mother's Day fun. The fishing trip you planned with your entire family was thoughtful, but I'm glad we're home. Thanks for remembering to order me a corsage from one of the scouts at church a few weeks ago. That was a nice surprise. I appreciate your effort and love you very much.
Thanks,
Your appreciative wife


Dear workout mom,
I know you work out because you come to school and pick up your children wearing the most revealing work out clothes I have ever seen. You have a great body. Thanks for showing it to everyone and sharing. I have a little secret for you though....... I can really do without it. Save it for your husband.... at home.... when your alone. Some things need to be kept to yourself. Like what kind of underwear you wear. That's a private thing. Or what size breasts you have. That's not supposed to be common knowledge. I think it's great that you work out. I do too! I just don't have to broadcast it to the world through the way I dress and present myself. Tone it down and be an example of a confident woman who doesn't seek the approval and attention of the world. Internally know you're awesome and leave it at that.
Sincerely,
A mother of young boys


Dear Ms. Holier than thou,
I love how we learn to love everyone at church and to not compare or belittle others. And yet I find that there a few of us that feel that we are doing so much better than everyone else. We feel that because we are "perfect" we have the discernment to judge others and gossip about them frequently. We somehow magically know what they are thinking and feeling and therefore know what they are going to do or how they are going to react. It's disgusting. Leave me out of those conversations please.
Sincerely,
Someone trying to do the right thing.

Just Not Feeling It

I actually hate to admit this but today is the kind of day that I'm just not feeling it. By "it" I'm meaning the whole tackling the long list of to do's and all of the things that I usually do. Like getting dressed and cute with makeup and hair done. To be honest I'm not sure how I kept that up this long.

I went to the grocery store, the farmer's market, and lunch with a friend dressed in my nastiest clothes, hair not done, and my glasses. Uh huh. A vision of grossness. Here's a little secret though. It felt amazing! Shhhhh!. I think everyone should have a day like today once in awhile. It was actually freeing in a way. I didn't care who saw me or who thought what about me. Lovely I tell ya.

I push myself pretty hard on a daily basis and sometimes I wake up in the morning with instant burn out. Like before I even get out of bed kind of burn out. Today was that day and I am listening to my body. I took an hour and a half long nap and hung out with my little guy and didn't really get anything done around the house and it felt like heaven. Heaven.

Tomorrow will be back to normal and I will feel refreshed and energized after today. Hopefully.

Peace.....Be Still

Lately I have been going through some stressful things and my body hates me. I am on my 3rd round of antibiotics for whatever this is and I'm tired. At first it was an upper respiratory infection and now it's a kidney infection with allergies. I need a little down time from all of the stress and craziness so my poor white blood cell count can come back and keep me healthy!

Today I had a friend come over and apologize for something that happened to me that she was apart of. I didn't expect it and it was nice to hear it and I felt peace again. I felt like a really terrible book I had been reading was finally done and I could close it and put it away. It was wonderful. The rest of my day has been more peaceful and I feel more equipped to handle things.

I want this feeling to hang around for a bit. It's lovely to not have a monkey on your back constantly reminding you to be mad at someone. Or to feel hurt every time that person is around. Feeling that way constantly is exhausting and I think my body was reacting to it. It was saying ," Get Over IT!"

 I want to get healthy. I want to get into a swimsuit and not worry about what I look like in it. Will that day ever happen? I have skinny friends who think they look awful all of the time. I want to feel good and fit into my clothes. That's it.

I have a month until our trip to Mexico. Yep. I have to go to a completely different country before I will put on a swimsuit in front of anyone. :) I' m really excited to go and relax and hang with my friend and her kids and my family. Hopefully no stress or drama and we can come back feeling refreshed and like we actually had a vacation.

We actually have a pretty busy summer ahead of us. End of May is Prescott, beginning of June is Mexico,
4th of July is Payson, and Prescott in between those times, and maybe another trip with friends? We'll see. We may be partied out by then.:)

I am looking forward to our summer schedule and all of the fun that we are going to have this year. I am super grateful for that and I know that Heavenly Father is aware of us and our needs.

Mothers Far and Wide

I would like to write a little something to all of those mothers out there far and wide. We have been through a lot. Whether it's the horrendous loss of one of our own children, or never getting to fully mother our own children, or just raising our own children. It's a lot. I want to write a little bit about my own experience in mothering.

At 18 years old I was married. My husband and I were really excited to start out own family so we tried to get pregnant right away. A few months after getting married I found out that I was pregnant! We were ecstatic! I was working full time at the time and at 8 weeks pregnant I had a miscarriage. I went through the whole ultrasound / DNC laproscopic stuff and had a horrible recovery. I took a week off of work to recuperate and was fired shortly after.

We waited the appropriate time to try again and we couldn't get pregnant. We were 2 weeks away from a doctors appointment to put me on Clomid before I found out that I was pregnant with Dillon. We were cautiously optimistic and waited until 10 weeks to tell everyone. It was an awesome pregnancy. I worked full time until 1 week before my due date. I was able to get the nursery set up and all of his tiny clothes washed and put away. The delivery was great, minus the episiotomy. Nursing was terrible and I became cracked and bleeding. I pumped and then did bottles with formula. Dillon has been an amazing kid. He is intelligent and wants to know everything about everything. He loves to read, ride horses, and fish. He's responsible and I can always count on him to help me out.

Shane was  born 22 months to the day after Dillon. Again, amazing pregnancy and amazing delivery. Shane was our easygoing child. He hardly cried and was generally happy. He loves to have fun and make everyone around him laugh. He is always singing to himself. He hates to do chores and always tries to talk his brothers into doing them for him. He tries really hard in everything he does and is so sweet and caring about everyone.

Ty was born 2 1/2 years after Shane. I had actual morning sickness with Ty. His pregnancy was miserable and by the time it came for him to be delivered, I was ready. The doctor decided to keep me in labor for way too long with pittossan running through me. I had him within 20 min of my water being broken and was so relieved. He was tiny though. 5 lbs. 4 oz. My smallest one. If scared me to look at him. I had done the exact same things during this pregnancy as the others and he came out smaller. I ended getting severe post partum depression after the delivery. I couldn't take care of anyone or anything. Thank heavens for my mom and mother in law.

In 2009 I had 3 miscarriages. 1 ended being an ectopic. I almost passed out at home and my husband had to get me to the E.R. where they saw it on an ultrasound. I was 14 weeks. They gave me a shot called Mexotrethate which aborted the baby. They asked me in the hospital if I wanted surgery to remove the baby and my tube or just abort the fetus, I felt disgusting. We had tried for so long to have another one and now they are asking me if I want to abort it? What a hideous word. I couldn't understand how they could be so non chalant about the whole thing. Didn't they realize that we wanted this baby? I know that I would have died if they hadn't taken care of it, but with that shot came the reality that this pregnancy hadn't happened either.  So for 6 weeks I laid on my couch having contractions as my body reabsorbed the little baby we wanted. It was horrible.

So here I am 2 years later and wanting one more. I can't get pregnant. My hormones are out of whack and I can't get them back on track without expensive treatments or unnatural methods. I am at a loss. To get what I need at a homeopathic store it would cost me $150 a month. I don't know anyone who has that much money extra laying around every month.  It's sad and frustrating because I know those homeopathic remedies would do the trick. So I'm thinking that maybe Heavenly Father hasn't cleared a path for me to buy those things because............take a deep breath..............maybe I'm not supposed to have anymore kids. I was okay with that after my ectopic because I was so scared. But now that some time has passed I would love to have a little girl.  Even if I was given another little boy I would love them too. It's agonizing to think that there is another spirit waiting to be here in our family and I can't make it happen.

My husband has said to me that he feels like there is another waiting. Ugh. No pressure. My body is not working right and I can't do anything about it. And no we are not going to adopt. He doesn' t like the idea. So here  I am near mother's day thinking about all of the babies I have lost and how I can't have anymore and about how I can do better with the one's I have.

We all have stories about our motherhood experiences and I love to know that I'm not the only one going through hard things. So that's my story in a nutshell.

Grateful for my fabulous mother

I need to give a shout out to my amazing mother! Not only has been my own personal cheering section for the last 31 years of my life, but she actually gets me because I am just like her. We have a lot of the same personalty traits and I am so grateful for that.


My MOM!

She is a tamer of unruly homes, wrangler of grandchildren, snazzy dresser, mender of broken hearts, cheerer of everyone, fire putter outer, sense maker, truth speaker, hard worker, God fearing. She is a confident, strong, crap putter upper, patient, vocal, sweet,lovely, kind, and a fabulous human being.

She has developed her talents over the years and is not afraid to use them for the better good. She loves to give service, but it's done quietly and graciously. She loves her family and friends fiercely and wants to see the good in everyone.

I love my mom. She is the best friend anyone could ask for and I hope to be the same for her. Thank you mom for all of the talks and therapy sessions and for telling me that I'm normal.

Introvert or extrovert?

That is my question for the day. I am both. I have days where all I want to do is hang with my good girl friends and eat good food. Then there are days where all I want to do is lay in bed and watch some good T.V. Today is one of those latter days.

My allergies are kicking up, I have laundry overflowing my laundry room, and a filthy house that desperately needs to be cleaned. Mentally, I know that I need to get up and get all of these things done today. But physically and spiritually, I could give a crap. I feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me and I have NO desire to be pressured, pushed, or guilt tripped into anything that I don't  want to do today. So tough luck everybody.

My goal for this weekend is to get all of this stuff done, relax for an appropriate amount of time, and be happy when my family comes home. That is my goal. We'll see if it actually happens. Here's hoping.

Easter!!!!!!

We had an amazing Easter this year! It was truly fun and happy and the kids had a blast.

The weekend before Easter we celebrated with my family. We went to the Renaissance Fair and had dinner and an Easter egg hunt at the house. We spent time with family and relaxed. On Easter weekend we went to Mr. D's parents house. There was so much food! Way more than everyone could eat which made it nice for leftovers. The kids played with their cousins and 2nd cousins and had an awesome Easter egg hunt. We had about 100 people there! A baby goat was born and everyone got to watch. Too many neat things for one day I tell ya!

We went to sacrament meeting. I was grateful for that. I really needed to hear the things that were said and they gave me a different perspective about what's been happening in my life lately. It gave me more peace. I was able to realize that the Lord overcame everything. All of our sorrows and pain and he understands us. What a comfort that is. I am grateful for the Savior and his sacrifice for me and my piddly everyday problems.

Be Gentle

Be Gentle. That is my thought for the day. No matter what you are going through at the moment be gentle. Be gentle in the way that you speak to others. Be gentle in the way that you treat your friends and their feelings. Be gentle with your spouse for their feelings and thoughts should be treated at carefully and gently as possible for they matter the most. Be gentle to your children. They are watching you.

The last few days have been rough for me. Some people were not very gentle with my feelings. I may come off as secure and confident but I have an insecure side like everyone does. It's been a rough couple of days. I hope that whoever reads this post will really think before they speak and act and treat others the way that they would like to be treated. Because what it really comes down to, is that you don't know what that other person is going through or what happens to them behind their closed doors at home.

Be good
Be kind
Be aware
Be Amazing to someone

Western Medicine vs. Homeopathy

Looking back on my labor and delivery experiences I have found that there were situations that I was put in that were maybe not the best. My OB's were trained in western style medicine and that is all they knew. So  when I would come into the office with a sinus infection or a migraine, the only thing they knew how to do was to write me a presciption for a major medication and send me on my way.  Ugh. Not only did the medications knock me out, but I actually felt worse than before I took them. There had to be a better way.

So after 4 miscarriages, post partum depression, and not being able to nurse one of my kids I started to research about different options that were available. The answers all seemed to turn to homeopathy. Obviously the Lord put certain plants, herbs, etc. on the earth for the use of man. I also feel that the Lord has inspired certain men to learn, study, and apply medical treatments for the use of men. I believe that there is a purpose and use for both types of medicine. If I can take care of certain ailments using natural methods, I'm all for it. But obviously the use of certain medications and surgeries is also beneficial.

So on to my ideal birth. This has taken me a long time to even be vocal about. After my last horrible experience I never thought that I would be thinking about having another one. Sigh. The Lord works in mysterious ways. My heart has been softened and I'm starting to contemplate another one. Who knows what the Lord has in store, but whatever happens (miscarriage, not being able to get pregnant, or having a healthy baby), this is the last time for any of it.

So my ideal pregnancy and birth:
I would like to use chiropractic care and homeopathy to take care of nausea, sinus infections, migraines, and pregnancy aches and pains. I am not interested in pumping my body full of medications and pills. I would like to use massage as another way to deal with aches and pains too.

I would like to be able to enjoy this pregnancy instead of worrying during it. I would like to nap, eat ice cream, sit in my bath tub for hours, and marvel at the little kicks and flutters.

I want to relax. I am a natural worrier and I have a lot to be worried about with pregnancies. Is the baby going to have spina bifida like my sister? Is it all the way healthy? Is it gaining enough weight? Am I spotting? Can I carry it full term? A lot of stress going on. I would just like to relax and trust in Heavenly Father's plan.

Delivery:
I would love to have a doula with me at the hospital. I love my husband but I need some support. Emotionally and physically. One of my dear friends is a doula and I would love to have her there with me during my labor. I would like an epidural if I couldn't handle the pain. I would really like to not have an epidural and do it on my own, but I'm not sure if that's possible. After the baby is born I would like to not cut the umbilical cord right away. I would like to let the nutrients finish going into the baby and then cut it. I don't want it to be a hurried experience like it usually is. If it's my last baby I want to enjoy it, make sure that I'm doing everything for the baby and myself and do it right. No pressure, no hurry, and no regrets.

Not all homeopathic and not all western. I think it's a good mix. Prenatal care with my O.B. and homeopath and having the baby in the hospital with doula support. Yes, please.

A little more estrogen and a little less testosterone, please!

Everyone knows that I live in a house filled with boys. It smells like boys (which I fight everyday) and looks like boys live there and even sounds like boys. I am surrounded by boys and men and I would like a little break.

Heavenly Father was listening because I just got asked to be the assistant camp director for girl's camp in June! I am so excited!!!!! Finally I get to be around fun girls and don't have to clean up after anyone. Yes! There is a lot of work to do but I'm really excited to get it done. How fun! 3 days of non stop activities, skits, and fun. The place we get to stay is a really nice cabin with plenty of room for everyone. It has a ramada outside and a fun waterfall swimming area just a hike away. It couldn't be more perfect.

Help!

I live in a house full of boys. My husband and three sons. Lots of testosterone. So they aren't exactly analyzers about situations or things. They want to know what the problem is and how they can fix it. They don't want to know why you're feeling a certain way or how to prevent it in the future, they just want to fix it and move on to the next thing. It gets a little frustrating sometimes. I'm an analyzer. I want to know what caused it, how they are feeling about it, and how to prevent it from happening again. Not too difficult. It just takes time and energy to discuss the issues. Therefore my husband usually doesn't want to be bothered. So I blog.

Lately I feel as though I'm running from one fire to another putting them out. I'm not even the Relief Society President and I feel like I know way too much about what's happening to the people in our little area. I'm happy to help where I can and make someone else's burden a little lighter but I feel like it never stops and that upsets me. It upsets me because I feel like way too many people are struggling and I can't do enough to help. Talk about feeling inadequate. I am not the fountain of knowledge or experience and sometimes I feel foolish giving advice to people. But somehow I always know what to say to them. I know it isn't me doing it and I'm grateful for the guidance and inspiration that has seemed to flow so freely lately. Heaven knows I've needed it.

I hope for a better year that is a little less hard and has a few more family vacations thrown in there. I hope for health and patience, and more work. Here's hoping.

You Are Grounded!!!!

Those three little words are what I say at least 20 times a day. I never thought that I would be the type of mother that constantly threatens her kids but I have become that mother. I find that throughout the day I resort to this form of psycholigical warfare with my children because I'm exhausted and don't want to listen to the quarreling anymore.

I start out with, "If you can't get along, then no one get's to do anything fun." Then I move on to," If you can't stop arguing then you all get to go to your rooms." Then finally it's, " If you don't figure it out, then you all are grounded for a week and can't play with friends, shoot air soft guns, play Wii, or DS, or watch T.V." The last one usually gets them to be quiet. THank heavens.

They argue about everything. My oldest thinks he is an adult and tries to herd his other two siblings and manipulate them until he gets what he wants. My middle child is a whiner and doesn't do his work. He tries to get his other two siblings to do it for him and always has an excuse as to why he can't do it. My youngest is the biggest trouble maker by far. He messes everything up that his siblings have, he starts fights, and never helps.

There are at least 3 open containers of cream cheese in my fridge. 2 gallons of open milk, 2 boxes of open Go gurts, and they won't be able to find an open any of them tomorrow morning, guaranteed. There rooms are nasty, bathroom is worse, and I find myself constantly reminding them to do what they need to do. To say that I am frustrated is an understatement and I hate it.

So I have decided to ground myself. I am going to go sit in my room, watch T.V. and separate myself from them until I can figure out a way to help them listen and become productive member of this household.

My Appetite Came Back!

Being sick stinks. Not only because you feel crummy but I can't enjoy food, and that is major for me. I love food. It seriously makes me happy. I know that's not normal but it really does. So today I splurged at the store so I can get my pallet back in shape. I bought an artichoke to steam and dip in butter and some creamy swiss cheese to go on rosemary crackers for a snack later. Yum.

I want to make savory dishes this week. Not too fond of the sweet stuff yet. My body goes in spurts of wanting different things at different times. So I figure I'll listen to my body and do my thing that way. We've been juicing fruits and vegetables every morning and it really helps keep my energy level up mostly all day. This week will be rich and savory. Rosemary is one of my all time favorite herbs. It's good on almost everything and your breath smells good after you eat it. :) From garlic bread, crackers, appetizers, meat, etc. it's incredibly versatile.

Once our house finally kicks this icky illness I need to kick myself into high gear. I want to get back to cooking and creating and doing what I need to do. Sitting in bed all day is driving me nuts. We have a garden to plant. Our pigs are coming nest week and we need to build a pen for them too. Book reports to start, poems to memorize for school, mutual, and a ma and pa meeting for the trek to complete.

There actually was a reason for.....

There actually a reason for me feeling so dang tired. Tuesday night at 11:00 p.m. I woke up with a horrible pain in my ears. I had been feeling yucky and tired for the past week but just chalked it up to being exhausted from everything that was going on.

I decided to drive myself to the E.R. and get checked out. Now I am not a baby when it comes to pain. I usually try to deal with it and keep busy until it goes away. Well, when it comes to my ears, forget it. Those things have been the bain of my existence ever since I got my first annual ear infection. My dad would make me lay on my side and pour hydrogen peroxide into my ear. It was awful. The bubbling and fizzing was too much to handle.

So they get me right in and the doctor looks at me and tells me that I have a double ear infection and an upper respiratory infection. He actually asked me if I smoked. Disdainfully I replied, "Never!". He said my lungs sounded bad and that if I didn't take it easy I could get pneumonia. Awesome.

Did I mention that I have the pioneer handcart trek in a week and a half? The doctor also informed me that I shouldn't go on the trek because the dust, smoke from the fires, and the exertion could do me in. It just keeps getting better.

So I'm going to wait until five days before the trek and then make my decision about whether or not to go. My hubby wants to go really bad and won't go by himself.  Really awesome.

We will see if I can get better in that amount of time. Here's hoping.

Delightful, Delicious, and Desperate.

A nap today? Sounds delightful! How about a homemade eclair with homemade vanilla pudding inside? Sounds delicious! How about calling a friend to see if she would be willing to give service to you by watching your youngest so you can get the nap and eat the eclair  in peace? Sounds desperate.


I am tired, hungry, and wanting a nice peaceful vacation. What your idea of an amazing vacation? Mine?

1.Sleeping in
2. Getting food whenever I want it.
3.The ocean. Any ocean will do.
4. Massages
5. Sight seeing
6. Shopping
7. Relaxing
8.Minimal physical exertion outside of the hotel
9.Getting some amazing pictures

My goal this year is to take a vacation and actually feel rested and refreshed when I come back from it. Impossible? Maybe. The only hurdle I see is whether or not we have to take the kids or not. As much fun as it is to take our kids on vacation and see their little eyes wide with excitement, sometimes mommy and daddy need a break from the kids. Here's hoping!

Let's just do Nothing today

Everyone has those days. If you don't, then you are a liar. :)
It all starts with you having a hard time getting out of bed. Then you can't seem to get motivated enough to get dressed. Then you drop the kids off at school and go home to a sink full of dishes and laundry everywhere. But for some reason it really doesn't bother you. You are feeling okay with the fact that if it doesn't get done today, that's alright. Today is that day for me.

I got home and swept and mopped the floor and cleaned my kids bathroom. Now I'm done for the day and want to do nothing with the rest of it. So I'm going to hang on pinterest for awhile and watch cartoons with my youngest and veg. Later!

Ok. Everyone Decompress.

Wow. I am actually focusing on breathing currently. Something so basic that it should be the most natural thing on earth to do and yet, I find that I am making sure that I am doing it. I have been holding my breath for the last 5 months. What a ride. Absolutely terrifying and exciting and horrible all at the same time.

As I'm looking around my new house I have a few boxes left to unpack and I can't even fathom that 3 weeks ago I was moving them in and desperately trying to find places to put the contents. We had pathways in between boxes and I was getting more and more agitated by the minute. I hid in my room and tried to go through a couple of boxes a day so that I wouldn't freak out on anyone and everyone around me.

My life is still hectic but in a different way. As my kids get older I am now their constant chauffeur. We are going to preschool, scouts, school, doctors appointments, stores, etc. I don't understand the mom's who say they are bored staying at home. I always have something to do! And at the end of the day, I wonder where the day went? It's crazy. I feel like I don't have enough time in a day.

It's so nice to look around my house and appreciate it. I feel so blessed and fortunate and I'm still pinching myself. I am so lucky. It feels good to be settled and to have the pressure and stress off. It's lovely.

Who's that Girl?

Hee hee. I have been having a bit of fun lately with my hair color. My husband never knows whether or not he'll be coming home to a blonde, brunette, or some other crazy color. I was never allowed to experiment with hair when I was younger. I was always told not to mess with it because it was so beautiful. All I remember is lot's of conditioner, flat on top poofy on bottom, and lots and lots of Goldilocks comments. I even got an Aphrodite comment. That one was okay.

Having dirty blonde naturally CURLY hair was nice. It set me apart from everyone else and I always could be picked out in a crowd. Now all I want is to feel beautiful. I wanted that sexy Victoria's Secret hair that you always see. Loose curls, long, and flowing. I finally grew my hair out. I have been fighting that one for a long time. It's a lot of upkeep and doesn't always look great. I died my hair brown next. I was sick of the upkeep for the blonde. I was born blonde, but as I've had children my hair has gotten to a nasty dirty blonde. So I broke down and died it a medium ash brown. I loved it. It made my eyes pop and my skin look a little less red. Awesome!

I loved that color for exactly 3 months. It was a fun change and people noticed my eyes. :") But then one morning my dear husband asked me how much it would cost to get me back to blonde. Sigh. Really? I showed him the picture of the brunette on the box before I colored and he liked it! The maintenance was 0 and my hair felt healthier because I didn't have to color every 6 weeks. It was heaven. But when you husband likes you a certain way it's hard to feel hot when you're not that way. :(

So I called my girl that is amazing with my hair and we did it. I went back to blonde. It's really a blonde with brown mixed in. It's hot! That girl is a miracle worker. She wouldn't let me see it until she was done and I was shocked! I have never had hair like this in my life! Soft, silky, flowy, and Victoria's Secret...ish. Yummy! I hugged and hugged her and left skipping all of the way home. Mr. D. hasn't seen it yet so we'll see. Regardless I love it and am so glad that I did it!!!!!

I'm me. Who are you?

Let's just get this out of the way. I like who I've become. :) Not that anyone cares, but I do. I really do like who I've become.  Who have you become? Are you a risk taker? A play it safer? Someone who cares if everyone likes them? Or do you do your own thing? Do you speak your mind, or do you keep it to yourself?

The thing that I love the most about life is that if you make a mistake, you get to learn and grow from it and you most likely get another shot at it. It's awesome! I have made many mistakes in my life, like most people, and I always  try to recognize when my second chance comes back around so I can be more aware and do better. I love that.

I try to live aware. I'm aware of others, myself, my actions, my comments, my expectations, and my feelings. It's a lovely way to be. You are grateful for what you have and don't covet what you don't. When good things happen to you they are wonderful surprises. But you don't expect things. You just let them happen. It's almost like you are being carried on a wave and you are letting it take you where it wants to.

Self Sufficiency

Being self sufficient has taken on a new meaning since we've moved. We have 3 acres now and can plant a gigantic garden, plant fruit trees, raise animals and slaughter them, and have fresh milk and eggs. It's awesome. I would actually like to try my hand at making my own bar soap. I already have a recipe for homemade laundry detergent that is AWESOME!

So the question is, what can I do to be more self sufficient. I hate the grocery store prices on shampoo and other toiletries but how do we get around buying those things? I don't want to have smelly hair, hairy legs, and oily skin! I know that there are homemade things that I can use but I don't like them as well.

Hair: There is a homemade dry shampoo made out of cornstarch and essential oils. Smells good but your hair doesn't FEEL clean.

Skin: Oatmeal mask. Sucks the oil right out of your skin, but can leave it dry.
Zits: Tea tree oil or witch hazel

I guess I will continue to stock up on items with coupons and sales. We are pretty well stocked up on most everything but I think I would like to try more organic products and get away from the preservatives and sulfates. We'll see if anything changes by doing that.

Have you ever Played Dodgeball?

Have you ever played dodge ball in P.E.? We weren't allowed to because they were afraid that someone was going to get hurt. But lately I have felt like I am playing that game. Dodging one ball after another and getting through it somehow.

We've finally moved into our new house. It's wonderful. I love the shower, the kitchen, the laundry room, and my pantry. I love it all and am seriously amazed, humbled, and grateful for this wonderful gift we've been given.

With blessings come adversities though. There is always opposition in everything, so I am not surprised that everything has not gone peachy keen through this process. Our new gas oven does not work. WE have to replace the key pad and burner caps on it. Our heater is still not turned on. We are freezing our buns off at night and in the morning and are layered with clothing. My washing machine hoses are leaking and it leaked out of our laundry room into the playroom.

But we make the best of our situations in life and we keep moving forward towards the next blessings and adversities and do it all over again.

Dear.......

Dear My wonderful Neighbor,

Thank you so much for texting me yesterday morning to see if we wanted dinner last night. How did you know that we wouldn't be getting home until 7 p.m.  dog tired? You must be psychic. We will miss you and your family when we move and we appreciate the service that you have given us over the last few years. Thank you.


Dear Guy I married,

I hope we have learned a valuable lesson from this ordeal that we have endured over the last 8 months. Just because something looks like it's easy to do, doesn't mean you should do it.  Building a house is not easy, moving into the house is even harder, and we don't need to do this again. I hope we are on the same page, because I am perfectly happy to die in our current home. Thank you for the nights when you just picked up dinner and didn't fight me on it. Love you.


Dear mom,

Thank you for being amazing. Thank you for coming over a few times a week to help me pack up my mess of a house and move it over to another messy place and organize it. Thank you for letting me cry a little when I got frustrated and for validating how I feel about our current situation. Thank you for reminding me that there is a light at the end of this tunnel and that our new situation is a lot better than our current one. I love you.

Dear Dad,

Thank you for coming over and spending an entire day with my husband cleaning out a garage that has not been touched in 20 years. Thank you for sharing 1/2 of your sandwich with him (since I didn't make him a lunch). And thank you for taking an entire day off of work to do it.

Dear Brad Dana,

Thank you soooo much for all of the hard work you have helped us with. You have been there with us every step of the way and we are so grateful!

Dear Brad Fuller,

Thank you for making my awesome closet organizers! They made things sooo much nicer. It was fun to spend time with you and to learn how to do it.  We sooo appreciate you taking time out of your busy life to come and make my closets fabulous! Thank you!

Dear Children,

Please refrain from opening packed boxes and exhuming the contents all over the house. This has been a very frustrating task going around and collecting the remnants and reorganizing them. You will be ousted from the premises and forced to live with the animals if you can not refrain.

Your Exhausted Mother

Heaven Help Me!

I'm bad. Really, Really, bad. I worked my buns off last week on the new house and I woke up this morning and could not fathom getting all dolled up to go to church. All I wanted to do was lay in my bed in my comfy pajamas and veg. So I did. Granted I have had a headache for the last four days, but I could have taken an Advil or two and been fine. So I used my two sick kids as excuses and stayed home.

Now I am kicking myself. We have a horrific week ahead of us and I am going to need all the help I can get. Spiritually, physically, and mentally. Needless to say I'm going to need the Spirit with me, lifting me up and carrying me through this. I'm really not trying to be dramatic. It's awful at the old house. I don't think I've cleaned the place for 4 months, and at this point it's definitely looking like it.The bad part is, is that I don't want anyone there cleaning. It's embarrassing!

My wonderful mother is planning on coming over 4 days this week to help me out, AGAIN! I love that woman! I could not have gotten as much done as I have without her and my dad. They have been amazing. I am so grateful and feel very loved.

What's left to do?
1.Finish 2 attic accesses. Filling in nail holes, sanding, and painting. Done!
2.Paint Master bedroom closet door and put handle on. Done!
3.Replace molding near master bathtub
4.Hook up gas lines to furnaces- Done!
5.Turn gas on
6.Clean new office area
7.Move office over
8.Finish moving clothes over- Done!
9.Clean master bathroom- Done!
10.Move bathroom over- Done!
11.Move fencing over
12.Move animals over
13Feb. 4th Moving day!!!!!!

Progress!

We moved my kitchen over yesterday. To put it simply, that was no small feet. I never realized how many really cool kitchen gadgets I have accumulated over the last 7 years. It was seriously like Christmas going through all of my cupboards! My sweet mother came over and helped me pack everything, wiping it first of course, and then shuttling it over to the new place. Things really starting moving once Mr. D. got there and helped with the lifting and packing. Thank heavens.

Today we are going to clean out the new garage and the old garage so we can focus more on the house. My dad and hubby will be doing those items and my mom and I will be focusing on the office in the old house. Heaven help us. It's bad.

* Just a little thank you to everyone that has offered to help with the move. You are very sweet and thoughtful and I appreciate your willingness to help us. However, my mom and I have found ourselves in some tight spots even for two people and I also have not known where to put everything. So if I had taken you up on your offers to help, I'm afraid that many of you would have been standing around for periods of time doing nothing. So thank you for offering, but I'm not ready to delegate just yet.

I had a little meltdown yesterday in my old kitchen. I hadn't slept well the night before, the house smelled like something has died in it (couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from), it was seriously nasty, and I didn't have one clean bathroom for my mom to use. So I cried for a minute and moved on. I needed it.

As we got moving I felt better. As I started to see the new kitchen filling up, I got nervous. I have a humongous kitchen and I thought for sure that  I would have cupboards left empty. Not the case. But oh well. It's nice to have everything organized.

It's off to do more packing and organizing and cleaning. Wish us luck!!!

You know that girl who seems like she's got it all figured out? She's faking it.

Ha! I love it when people look at me and tell me that I am so tough and that I am a really organized girl that has it all figured out. And yes, people do tell me that. But internally I am laughing, crying, and screaming for a little help!

I have officially become the mom that tells her boys to shut up. I am dreadful. I hate those words but it seems to be the only two words that gives me a few moments of blissful silence before they begin screaming and fighting. I have tried time out, grounding, taking away favorite toys and video games. I am exhausted.

And honestly, I have the right to feel the way I feel with everything that's been happening. I have no idea how I get through the days. I take that back. I do know. I feel as though I am physically being carried. Like someone is behind me picking me up under my arms and carrying throughout my exhaustively nasty days and carrying me home to make dinner for my family. Who by the way have been complaining about my menu choices. The nerve. They are lucky to get anything at this point! Sandwiches are a delicacy at this stage in the game.

It does make me laugh though that other people seem to think those things about me. If I were to look at myself through someone else's eyes I would think:
1.Doesn't she EVER put makeup on?
2. Does she own a hair straightener? Cause yikes!
3. Her kids are hellions. Doesn't she discipline them?
4. Her house is disgusting. Why doesn't she clean it?
5. Is that a Christmas wreath STILL on her front door?
6. Can't she just throw something in the crock pot for dinner instead of scrounging for something for dinner?

Hee hee! I am giving myself permission to not care for the moment. I don't care that I don't "get ready" every day, or that I have so much laundry to do that I can't open my laundry room door, or that I don't make a presentable dinner every night and that sandwiches of every kind are perfectly fine for me. Yep, that's just fine by me.

My husband just called me to see why all of my car doors are hanging wide open and no one is outside. I guess a neighbor called him to see if everything was alright. Well........ The car doors are hanging wide open because I had to run to the feed store to pick up horse pellets, get gas, run home, feed the animals, water the animals, make egg salad sandwiches for dinner, help one child with a book report, and pay bills. Ummmm, yeah. That's why. I was a little preoccupied.

So, I'm not organized, clean, cute, tough, or clear headed at the moment. I am scatter brained, tired, frustrated, and weak, and I NEED A VACATION!