Dear So and So

My near and dear friend has been writing letters again. I do so enjoy them. :) So in the spirit of expressing ourselves I'm going to write a few of my own.

Dear person who's cart is in the middle of the grocery isle,
Thank you for parking your shopping cart right in the middle of the soup isle. I loved waiting for you to look at each and every soup can deciding which one would taste the best for your gourmet lunch. I wish carts had horns on them. Then at least I wouldn't have wasted 5 minutes waiting for you.
P.S. The isles are large enough for two carts to be next to each other.
Sincerely,
Move It Sweetie


Dear Person who opens bottles at the store,
I totally saw you. Not a huge deal but thought that I would let you know that those bottles are sealed for a reason. When I purchase an item from said store I like to think that I am buying something that hasn't been tainted and opened and sniffed by someone else. How do I know that you didn't stick your fat little fingers into the lotion bottle to test it? Think about it.
Sincerely,
Not yours until you pay for it

Dear, Dear Coupon Lady,
Kudos to you for taking the time to coupon and save 120% on your last grocery bill. Shame on you for doing this at the register at 3:00 p.m. at the height of the shopping craziness. Those of us in the line behind you had a wonderful time watching you fumble with your THOUSANDS of coupons and arguing with the cashier about whether or not they were expired. Very entertaining.  Also it would be wonderful if you could leave some hand soap and toothpaste for the rest of us.
P.S. The lady right behind you was making stabbing motions at your back.
Sincerely,
Get your crap together and do this stuff early in the morning

Dear Political Wooooo-man,
Please stop trying to convince me that my political views are wrong and yours are right. We obviously have different values, opinions, and goals for our lives. Having your voice get gradually louder during your speech isn't going to get me to change my mind. You are way too intense. We are all going to do what we think is best in this next election. Give it a rest. Your "mother earth" ways definitely didn't do anything to impress me either. Frightening. Take a bath, comb your hair, get a job, stop smoking marijuana, and learn to stand for something that is going to last longer than the United States of America's first black president's term.
Sincerely,
Someone who takes a bath regularly