How are you? Nope. Never get asked that question.

Time to clean house. When I say that, I mean my mental and emotional house. Cleaning the "other" house is a given. It always needs to be cleaned. I've been feeling a little depleted lately. I suddenly realized one Sunday after church that I asked 10 people how they were and not one person asked me how I was. Not that everything always has to be about me, but I realized that the people I had talked to, didn't really care about what was going on in my life. Eye opener to say the least.

Then I went on to realize that all I do is care for others. Not a bad thing but I need to be replenished sometimes too. I cook, clean, pick up, drop off, wash, go to work, give back scratches every night, grocery shop, and care for everyone else. I got home from work last night at 11:30 p.m. to a filthy house, food left on the counter, food on the floor, and dishes everywhere. I cried a little bit. I decided to tackle it in the morning, took a shower, and couldn't fall asleep for another 2 hours. I kept thinking about how my own family couldn't help me out a little.  I made dinner after all. It made me sad.

Woke up the next morning and cleaned, did laundry, and cried a little again. I kept thinking, is this how my life is going to be? Lonely, frustrated, and ticked off? I wasn't in a happy place this morning. I'm really enjoying working.It's been a great outlet for me. I don't feel cooped up in my house anymore. That's a nice feeling. But I feel like I've spent the last 13 years supporting and making sure that everything is running smoothly in order to facilitate my husbands ability to earn a living. I've saved money, worked odd jobs to earn extra money, not gone shopping, never demanded anything. Now I kind of feel like it's my turn a little bit to have some support and respect.

So I've decided to clean house. I truly need good decent people in my life that are encouraging and kind. For as long as I can remember I've always felt like a mother hen. Checking on my friends, calling them, touching base,  helping them figure out problems, and I'm a little tired. It's sad but I wish my phone would ring a little more often than it does. Everyone is so busy, so I guess I'm going to need to be too busy too.