So Close!

As I get ready to head into my 3rd trimester I absolutely can't believe how close I am to having another girl in the house! How exciting! Can't you just picture it? Paisley running around with fairy wings and a tutu on with a "magic" wand hitting her brother's with it? :)  I am seriously in love with my thoughts right now. Sometimes I find myself wandering into her room and just sitting there looking at her crib and all of her clothes all neatly folded in the closet. I can't wait to see her in them!

After I got over the initial shock of being pregnant, I decided that it might be smart to make a list of everything we needed for a new baby. (We got rid of everything!) As I looked it over I started to get really depressed thinking about how much all of it was going to cost and mentally taking note of the things that we could probably do without. :( Amazingly I looked at the same list yesterday and realized that we only needed about 5 more things! I was so grateful!

I have had two beautiful shower's given to me by amazing sister in law's and one of my dear friends. We had great attendance at both and received so many things that we needed. This darling baby was definitely supposed to be here. We have been so blessed during this process and I'm completely overwhelmed with gratitude for the wonderful people in my life and a loving Heavenly Father that are aware of our needs.

That picture above was taken by my sweet cousin Adele Heslington. She does photography! ;) I wanted to get a few pictures of me pregnant with this one so she could see what I looked like when I was pregnant with her. Granted she may not give a lick about that, but just in case, I thought it would be nice.

It's Going By Way Too Fast!!!

I am so upset that this pregnancy has gone by so fast! :)  I know that sounds strange because most pregnant women can't wait to have it over with, but I want to enjoy this one. It will probably be my last. When I was pregnant with my other 3 I couldn't wait to be done, but experience has taught me that it really doesn't last that long at all. And before you know it you have this flabby body with saggy skin around the middle and the constant sweats from all of the excess water you carried around for 9 months. Besides I actually feel pretty when I'm pregnant.

It's fun to think about what she's going to look and act like without having it being possibly ruined by reality. ;) I'm sure she'll be a doll and I will love her to pieces, but still the thoughts are nice too. I'm honestly trying to enjoy each phase that this experience is bringing me and trying to keep in mind that there will be a new phase right around the corner.

Right now I am enjoying french fries. Oh my goodness those are wonderful. I'm not sure if it's the flavor or the salt but I want some everyday. It's really disgusting. I also really like ice water. It has to have crushed ice though. Don't ask me why but I really don't like the taste of warm water right now. Fish is a big no no right now too. I made fried catfish last night and I couldn't stomach more that a few bites. It was very disappointing. I am currently hiding candy bars in my nightstand, I have to take a nap every afternoon, and I am having to put away certain maternity clothes because they feel way to constricting. I take a shower every night and oil up with Bio Oil because I would literally scratch my skin off if I didn't.

Things are going pretty smoothly around here for the most part. The house is filthy every other day because I seem to need a day off after cleaning the joint. I currently have a large mass of food underneath my table and on my kitchen floor. It's not very fun walking around in bare feet. I do laundry every other day too so at least nothing is really getting too out of hand.

It's hard to imagine that in 3 months I'm going to have a daughter! It literally feels like I just found out that I'm pregnant! I'm so grateful for all of the tender mercies that we have received during these 6 months.

Another Sleepless Night

Well here I sit at 3 A.M. unable to sleep any more. Again. Believe me I'm not complaining. I'm sure that I will take a lovely nap tomorrow and all will be well. ;)

One of the unfortunate things that happen to me when I become pregnant is that my mind will not stop working. All day and all night I worry, contemplate, and try to sort out the things that are happening around me. I can't seem to turn it off.

1. I'm taking a tour of a new school tomorrow for my kids next year. I've been a little worried about making the wrong decision about what school to send them to. Unfortunately the public schools out by us are not the best and we have a TON of options for charter schools so I'm trying to sort through all of the information and listen to the Spirit. Needless to say it's incredibly confusing.

2.My handicapped sister has to find a new place to live. Now I can't do much about this one but I can't help worry about it.

3. Some of our family is going through a hard financial time right now and I'm trying to think about how to help them. It's still sensitive and I don't want to offend them. I know what I want to do, I just don't know if it's the right timing.

4. I was worried about the baby not being healthy. We had our 20 week ultrasound and everything turned out fine. So I guess I can cross this one off.

5.I have 2 baby shower's coming up for myself. I'm worried people won't come. I know, this one is dumb. I feel so incredibly blessed that I have people that love me and want to do this for me. I am a very lucky girl. You can't help but wonder though, what if no one shows up? I know I'll have fun and make the best of whatever happens, but it would stink a little bit if no one did.

Then after worrying about all of that my mind goes to all of our many blessings that we have received over the last 5 months and I can't help but be overwhelmed and emotional about that too. Dang pregnancy hormones. I honestly don't think I have ever cried this much during a pregnancy. It's almost soothing though. Like I had a build up of fluid and I had to release it. It's weird.

Once I get past the next 2 months things will definitely start to calm down again. I won't feel like I have to be "on" anymore. School will be over, no more shower's, and we can have a fun family vacation planned for CA in June. My parents will hopefully be moved in and my sister too. I want to be able to enjoy June and July before Paisley get's here. It feels like everything has gone by so fast with this pregnancy, which can be looked on as a blessing. But it makes me a little sad too since it will probably be my last one. Sigh.

We'll see. I've learned to never say never and let the Lord do His thing. I still have time to have one more and I'm not sure I should be taking that for granted. It would make things a little more stressful financially and space wise in the house, but if we're supposed to have another one then so be it. I really have little control over that as we have seen with this last pregnancy. :)

I can't believe that I actually typed that last paragraph. Wow. If you had asked me 5 months ago if we were done, I would have said absolutely. Now I can't help but think that Paisley is going to need a friend to play with. Heaven help us. Things might change after Paisley is born though so stay tuned!

It's Already Started!!!

I always swore that if I ever had a little girl that I would not spoil her. She would be a lovely, sweet, grateful girl that would get excited over small things not big. But oh my goodness. She's not even here and I can already see how spoiled she is going to be when she get's here.

I have been given so many opportunities to enjoy the thought of having her here. Let me explain. I have a fabulous friend that has offered to throw me a baby shower. My wonderful sister in law's are throwing me another one. Then I had an idea to call my cousin who does photography and get a little mini maternity photo shoot done so little miss can look at the pictures and see what I looked like pregnant with her. Next my mom called and said she found a changing table and shoes, blanket, and headband to go with her blessing dress. Finally another wonderful friend called and said that she had a few bags of girl clothes that I could have. I got them and it was 4 bags of brand new adorable clothes that range in size from newborn to a year. I don't really have to buy any more clothes!!! My sister in law bought the crib bedding too!!!! Overwhelmed with love I think is an appropriate term.

I love all of these wonderful women that have been so generous and loving. I am finally excited to have a little girl and a lot of that has to do with them. After having 3 boys I was a little nervous at the prospect of having a little dainty thing at our house but I think that she will bring an element of sweetness and daintiness that is much needed. So excited !!!!!

4 1/2 months and counting!!!!

I can not believe that I only have 4 1/2 months left in my pregnancy. It literally has flown by. What a blessing!!! The first 3 months were spent on bed rest with constant nausea and vomiting as a companion. The second trimester has followed with no weight gain as of yet and a lot of sleeplessness accompanied with sinus infections and headaches. But I truly feel as though it's been a breeze. My reaction to my trials have been so incredibly different this time. I feel as though I'm being shielded from frustration and feeling down about it. I'm not sure if it's me doing that or if it's Heavenly Father.

This entire pregnancy I have felt a calmness. A serenity that has sort of enveloped me and helped carry me through this process. Normally I would have had everything bought, washed, and folded by now for this baby but the urgency hasn't been there. I have felt like I have all the time in the world and that she's going to be fine. It's been incredibly strange but a blessing too.

I have shared a few times here about the last 7 years of my life and about all of the trials and hard times that me and my little family have faced. But what I hope people get out of reading my thoughts is that blessings most assureadley come after the trials.

I was talking with a girl in my ward tonight about this pregnancy. She reminded me of a time when I was asked to share my testimony in Relief Society about when my testimony became "real" to me. I shared about my struggles to stay pregnant and then to become pregnant. I shared about how we lived out of boxes for 8 months while preparing to lose our home and not knowing where we were going to live. I shared about how depressed and angry I got while going through these trials. But then, I shared about how the blessings began to flow through my life and how I felt that my prayers had truly been heard and answered. It took a long time for them to be answered, but none the less I felt as though they flowed so freely that it was like sand running through my fingers. Too many to count.

We went through this ordeal for 7 years. 7 long years. My mind goes back to Joseph of Egypt when he received his dream about the 7 years of feast and then the 7 years of famine. The lessons that we learned during those 7 years are irreplaceable. We learned that when things are going well, save and prepare for when they aren't. Always be prepared for the worst and enjoy it when it's the best.

We never know what trials life may bring us. We don't know when blessings will come. But I do know that we are not asked to do anything alone. We're not asked to bear our trials by ourselves and that if our faith can hold, then we will be blessed for it.

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for this beautiful little girl that we've been given. If she looks anything like her brother's, she's going to be gorgeous. I am such a lucky girl. I have healthy, intelligent, capable, boys that surprise me every day. I love that they are each other's best friends. I love that they are so excited about Paisley joining our family that they are counting her birth as something exciting happening before school starts. We have a beautiful roof over our head that we helped build with the help of Heavenly Father. We are paying our bills. We have food on the table. We have health insurance. We have working cars. We have family and friends that love and support us. And so much more.

Sometimes we need to be knocked down and have everything taken away from us in order for us to appreciate what we are given.

What's in a name? Apparently everything.

I have made it to 17 weeks with this pregnancy!!! I haven't made it this far in a long time so I wasn't really sure what to do. I know it sounds silly but it's been about 6 1/2 years since we did this. I feel like a first time mom.

Lately I've had people ask me what we're naming this little girl. Ummmm? We've talked about a few names but something doesn't seem right. Mr. D tells me I can talk myself out of anything right now. Pretty much. I will be so sure one minute and then a few days later completely change my mind. Sigh.

The two choices on the table right now are Paisley Kay, or Savannah Kay. Both are cute and girly. Savannah is a little more common than Paisley but I could see calling this little peanut either of them. I'm not a big fan of waiting and seeing what the baby looks like before naming so I hope we can decide before then.

Nursery colors are picked. Black, White, and light pink. My sister in law Sarah found a black and white damask print for the bumpers with a light pink trim on it. I am so excited to have something feminine in my house!!!

We're having a girl!!!!!

Yes everyone. You heard me right. A sweet, sassy, full of it little girl. I am thrilled!!!! Anyone who knows my little family knows that I have been surrounded by 4 men for the 10 years. There is nothing girly, frilly, sensitive, or clean in this house for more than 5 minutes. I am ecstatic at the thought of being able to paint her piggies, and play dress up, or even Barbies for that matter. I don't care what it is as long as it is girl related.

My husband has this notion that she is going to be following him around outside and basically falling in line with her brothers. Horse rides, digging in the dirt, playing football, etc. And to be honest I'm not entirely opposed to that. As long as she still a little bit girly sometimes. Oh and she lets me do her hair and dress her up. :)

Darling.......You are Fabulous!!!!!

Truth be told, I don't put makeup on everyday. I don't shower everyday. I don't even get dressed in regular clothes every day. But, I do wake my kids up every morning. I take them to school and pick them up. I make dinner on most nights. I do their laundry. I clean the house we all live in. So as far as all of that is concerned, I think I'm doing a pretty fabulous job at the moment. Who cares if I look like Mag the Hag while I'm doing it. ;)

I didn't go to church again. I woke up feeling blah. No energy, headache, and absolutely no desire to dress myself up and pretend to be friendly to people who could care less if I was there or not. It's a little sad. I know church isn't supposed to be about sitting with your friends and talking and feeling included in the group. I know that. But when you're sitting alone and you've tried to talk to people and make an effort and they still ignore you, it's hard to be there. My ward is supposed to split in the fall. I'm a little excited about the new people that will be apart of it. I really hope that there are a few sweet women that are genuine and kind that want to be friends with me. That would be nice.

So today I'm choosing to give myself a pat on the back for all of the hard work I've been doing while on modified bed rest. Yay me.

I Don't Care What Everyone Says, I Think You're Hot. Huh?

Last night as the Mr. and I were snuggling in for the night he leans over and says, I don't care what everyone says, I think you're hot. Hmmmm. My mind immediately goes to..... people say I'm not hot? That's really mean. Wow. That kind of hurt my feelings. I don't think I'm a beauty queen by any means but I clean up well. So I proceed to pepper him with a million questions about who these "people" are. Poor guy. I really think he was trying to be sweet and it came out the TOTALLY wrong way. :) Leave it to me and my super sensitiveness.

Now that I got over that one, I've moved on to thinking about Valentines Day!!!! I'm kind of excited this year. I don't get out much these days and I think it will be fun to get gussied up and go for a nice dinner at Carraba's (Our favorite place). Mind you we will not be dining on Valentines Day. We not much for huge crowds and long lines, it dampens the mood a tad. Nothing fancy but it's so nice to know that he remembered me and wants to take me out in public. :)

Had an interesting day at church yesterday. Haven't been for awhile. I think we're talking months. Not because I haven't wanted to, but because I've been sick with a new pregnancy and have been on bed rest. So I was asked to share when my testimony became real to me. Like I had to get up in front of the whole relief society and tell my most personal moment to complete strangers and people that I barely knew. It was really hard for me. I was suprised at that. Usually I don't have a hard time expressing myself but this time I did. I blubbered and bawled as I told about my many miscarriages, losing our home, and having financial struggles for years. I told them about my frustration and anger at Heavenly Father for letting us struggle so much especially when I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing and more. Then I told them about the amazing night when I felt my Heavenly Father and his awareness of me and my needs. Did I mention that I was very blunt while telling this story? I have a very colorful way of talking and I don't think it sits well with everyone. Oh well. They asked to me to do it.

So I am feeling the Spirit a little bit more today and am so grateful for all of the blessings in my life. I am so fortunate and blessed and am grateful for the opportunity to help and serve others.

It's The Little Things

I never realized how much I liked being a stay at home mom until I had to work. I was working a night job. It wasn't a big deal and I really liked the freedom that I felt from the paycheck. Unfortunately everything else seemed to suffer. I wouldn't get out of bed until 8 or 9 in the morning and I wouldn't get to see my kids. Then I would be so tired that I couldn't clean or do laundry or do anything for that matter so the house kind of fell into shambles.

My sweet husband was taking kids to school, doing laundry, making dinner, and helping with homework, all because my pregnant body was too exhausted. Speaking of my pregnant body, last week, it hated me. I was nauseous, achy, sinus and ear infection, and had tendinitis in my right arm and couldn't use it. I felt like it was screaming at me to take it easy. So I did. My husband and brother in law had to take over my night job.

Things have definitely calmed down too. It's amazing! I'm able to sleep well at night and wake up happy in the morning. Dishes, laundry, and bathrooms are all done. And I feel so much better about how I'm spending my time. Go figure. When I took my night job, all I could think about was what I would be able to do with the money I got. It never occurred to me that other important things would end up suffering.

So here's to the little things that we so often take for granted.

I'm grateful for:
1. This new baby
2. My husband
3. That my youngest has 1/2 day Kindergarten instead of full fay.
4. That I can stay at home and take care of this place
5. Washing Machines and Dryers
6.Clean sheets (I always sleep so much better on them)
7. Health Insurance
8.Stouffer's Lasagna (It saved me last night)
9.Obedient Children
10. Prayer. It helps me get through the day.

So grateful for good friends.

Yesterday wasn't a really great day. I felt yucky all day and couldn't really get going. One of my sweet friends sent me a simple text. It said How R U doing? Anyone that knows me knows that I hate to text. It's so inconvenient for me. I'm always busy doing something with my hands and it's easier for me to cradle the phone between my head and shoulder. Sorry.

So we had a lovely chat. I needed it. It really picked my spirit's up and I actually made something that night that resembled dinner. Something so simple as a good chat. Huh. Who knew? She was so understanding and positive as I spoke to her about my ordeals and my lack of enthusiasm at that particular moment. That to me is a true friend. Being concerned, acting on a prompting, and taking a minute to talk to someone. Nothing grand or forced.

Humbled yet?

The more I talk to people about this pregnancy the more I realize that I tell them that this pegnancy has been very humbling. You don't usually thing of the words pregnancy and humbling together but that's what it has been for me. Let me explain.

Before I found out that I was pregnant, I was finally getting comfortable and grateful for the calmness and peace that had come into my life. We had been through a lot and now we were in our new house, I had a great new night job that was helping us out financially, and all of my kids were healthy. Everything was going great! 2013 was supposed to be an awesome year.

Now here I sit, pregnant, sick, and frustrated. Believe me, I'm not complaining. We had tried for 3 years to become pregnant and nothing happened. So this baby is definitely a recognized blessing. What I'm muddling through is the fact that I'm not in control of my life. That has been a very hard pill to swallow. And a very humbling one too.

I have been so sick. I can't cook meals, clean bathrooms, work too hard at night, do laundry, or go more than two hours without eating. Every smell imagineable makes me want to barf. It's been extremely hard. How can I go from having an immaculate house, dinner on the table every night, working a night job, and having it all together, to not getting out of my pajamas all day long? It's been a lot to deal with in a short period of time. All of a sudden I feel like a lazy useless person. I can't function. When I try and force myself to do something, there is usually hell that follows.

I am trying to have faith that this will get better. I have one more month until my second trimester starts. Hopefully all of this will disappear by then. I'm ready to get back to the way things were.

Overwhelmed? Nah.......

So as you read in my last entry we are expecting our 4th child. We found out right before Christmas. That was a really fun thing to be able to tell everyone on Christmas. As a few weeks have gone by, the reality of it has started to sink in.

A few years ago after my 5th miscarriage I decided that it would be a good idea to sell all of our baby/maternity items that I have collected over the year. There was a lot of stuff! Good stuff too! We made about $500 on everything and it felt good to have it all gone. We were building a house at the time and decided that we would have 3 bedrooms instead of 4.

So not only do I have to buy everything for the new baby, we have to figure out the sleeping arrangements for the kids. If this baby turns out to be a boy, we will be fine. 2 boys in each room. No big deal. If it's a girl, she will have her own room and my 3 boys will be squished into one room. Poor kids.

One of my dear friends told me about a second hand kids clothing store. Bless her. I went and checked it out the other day and I can get everything I need there. I am so grateful. Money is a little tight right now. I'm working a night job to help with the finances and it's getting a little hard. I feel nauseous all of the time and I really want to crawl into bed and stay there. I hope I can hang in there until the summer when all of the residents go home and the job gets easier.

We are really excited and scared for the new baby to join the Dana ranks. It's been a long time since we've had a baby in the house and we've gotten used to having a full night's sleep. It's going to be especially tough for me having to go to work at night and then watch the baby during the day. I have a bad feeling that the household duties are going to go by the wayside for awhile. Oh well. Sleep is definitely more important.

We should be able to find out what the baby is in February or March. Yay!!! Hoping for a girl but will be just as excited if it's a boy. I just really want a healthy baby. Cheers!