I Want To Be Better

I want to be a better person. A simple statement that so many of us say every day because somehow by just saying it, it makes us feel a little better about ourselves. It shows that we at least have the desire to be better people. Right?  But do we actually work at being better?

Unfortunately lately I have found that being a Mormon is not a well liked think to be. Now this isn't the case everywhere thank heavens, but a lot of people I have come in contact with have not had good experiences with those of our faith. They felt snubbed, looked down on, excluded, and judged. I do understand that a lot of that has to do with insecurities on the offended's part, but perception is reality. I actually feel like I am defending my faith everytime I meet someone who had a bad experience with our church. It makes me sad.  I have met the most amazing people that are not members of my faith. They are good people who are doing the best that they can. Just like I am. I am no better than they are and am no more special than they are in Heavenly Father's eye's.

How can I be a better person? I want to find more ways to show my husband just how much I love him. I want my children to know without a doubt that I love them. I want to do more to show my friend that is struggling right now, that I will do whatever I can to help ease her burdens. I want the stranger that I meet tomorrow to know that I want to get to know them, not what they've done in the past.  I just wish that we could see everyone the way that we want to be seen. As good, friendly, smart, pretty, kind, handsome, generous, thoughtful, loving, considerate, selfless, motivated people. We all have something amazing about us. I am learning this truth as I get out of my safe little bubble. It's amazing out here!

When I was little, I used to see homeless people asking for money. Someone told me not to give them any money because they would just buy drugs or alcohol with it and it wouldn't help them. Now I know that it doesn't matter what they do with the money because it isn't my job to judge them. It's my job to serve and give, not to judge.

I want to be a better person. And I am going to look for opportunities to do so. One of my hubbies favorite sayings is: I may not agree with what you are saying, but I would fight to the death for your right to say it.  We don't always have to agree with everyone. We don't have to have something in common for us to be kind to someone. We don't have to judge someone on  their appearance before deciding to talk to them. And we don't have to politely ignore someone because we are afraid of what people will say if they see us talking to them.

So instead of saying that I want to be a better person, I am going to say I WILL be a better person.

Mr. D went for a ride

So Mr. D ended up going on a horse ride with my two oldest boys. I had the whole weekend with my youngest and it was a lot of fun. We went to Chuck E Cheese's and I let him play the games for an hour. Then we had dinner at Outback and he got to order his own dinner. Then we went to Water N Ice and got us a little ice cream treat. Between all of that we submitted our house plans to Pinal County, went to the bank, fed the animals, and did a little laundy. Phew!

This morning however, things did not go so well. I went outside to feed our animals because our stupid cow wouldn't shut up! I was closing the gate where the animals are and the cow pushed her head in between the gate and shoved her body into the space and knocked me over and let all of the animals out. We have 2 cows, 6 baby goats, and a bunch of adult goats in that one area. They all escaped. They were having a great time eating our fruit trees, and climbing on top of our vinyl pile. It was a nightmare. Luckily my nice neighbor Brother Reese came over and helped me rangle them all back into the field. It took 45 minutes just to get them all back in. Thank heavens for Brother Reese.

After that my friend Sonja and I went to a neighborhood boutique that one of her friends was a part of. It was kind of hoaky. I think the hair flowers have kind of been done to death. FYI if you make the hair flowers, try making some in non neon colors for ladie's who don't have little girls. You would have a broader market if you did. I was actually looking for one that was navy blue and didn't have any crystal's on it. Something simple. I think that might be a concept that people don't understand. They are really into 70's style geometric stuff.
 I saw one booth that kind of caught my eye. Of course it was vinyl lettering. I LOVE signs. Anything funny. I have a sign in my kitchen that says, Who Are All Of These Children, And Why Are They Calling Me Mom? That pretty much describes my feelings on a daily basis. So I picked up a sign for my new laundry room that says, Laundry, It All Comes Out In The Wash. It will go perfectly with my Rosie the Riveter poster.

I think we are going to have a freezer full of annoying cow if she doesn't shut it soon.

Down In The Dumps..... Literally

Ha ha. Our newly acquired property is looking a little dumpish lately. We have papers, garbage, palm tree prongs, concrete, roof shingles, old chairs, baby carseats and strollers, you name it, it's there. So if Mr. D doesn't go on his horse ride this weekend then I have a very bad feeling that we will be at the dump..... cleaning.
   Oh yeah. you know those feelings that I was having about wanting another baby? Yeah, they're gone. I started thinking about it one day, and my 4 year screamed at me and then kicked the oven and I sent him to bed. Then when he woke up, he informed me that I had better not send him to bed again. He got spanked with the fly swatter. I hate spanking him. Luckily he doesn't need it too often. But that right there cured me. The thought of having to deal with everything that I already do and adding a poor helpless little baby to the mix was enough to make me cry.
   Then I talked to my mom this morning and it helped to put things into perspective even more. I could actually volunteer at my kids school. I could start teaching preschool like I've been planning to for the last 3 years. I could even get a part time job if I wanted to instead. I could grow my catering company finally. I know. Pick one, right?
  I was watching my 6 month old nephew a few days a week and now that we are moving she has to find someone else. So, it's time to put my thinking cap on and get a plan in motion. We will hopefully be moving into the house in September so I think it might be a little late to start a preschool. Although there isn't one where I'm moving to, so parents might be okay with starting a little later. Or I could advertise my catering really hard and get going with that again. A lot of work though and no one to hire to help me. Hmmm. Or the last option is to get a part time job. I'm not a fan of having a "boss". Ask my husband. Plus if my kids are sick at school I couldn't leave to go get them. I don't know. I have a few months to figure it out. We'll see what happens.
  

Easter Is At The Dana House

Well I finally broke down and let it happen. I let my kids dye Easter eggs. This is a momentous occasion. Anyone who knows me remotely, knows that I hate letting my kids do artsy craftsy stuff in the house because it makes a huge mess and usually stains something. Play Doh is an outside activity at our house.But during certain times of the year I definitely become a sucker and relinquish control for one day. One time during the year that I cave in is, Easter. I don't know why but I love Holidays. The major one's of course. Growing up my mom did an amazing job of getting us excited about the holidays. She had a million decorations for each holiday and would dress the house up so we could be festive. We would decorate cookies each holiday, dye eggs, make sugar cookies, have easter egg hunts, and take plates full of treats that were wrapped so beautifully that no one wanted to open them. It was awesome!
    I think a little bit of that rubbed off on me. I don't have decorations for every holiday, but I do have something on my door to signify that we do understand what that holiday is. So this year I bought 4 different dye kits for the kids and they had a blast. We had Buzz Lightyear, Speckled Eggs, Stickers, and Neon.  We did 18 eggs and the kids were sick of it at the end. I had to finish the last 3. We have chickens at our house and they lay colored eggs. We have white, brown, and a pretty light green. My husband didn't understand why we couldn't just hard boil those eggs and be done. Men. They just aren't as fun. Pink, Yellow, Blue, and Purple are fun. It's just something different from the ordinary.
    I got the kids Easter Bags done. They are filled to the brim with goodies and fun cheap little toys that I picked up from the dollar store. They are so excited for the Easter Bunny to come. My eight year old still believes in all of those magical people. It's a wonderful thing. I am so grateful for that innocence. By the time I was eight I knew about Santa Clause and was unwrapping and rewrapping all of my Christmas gifts. I was such a stinker and my husband's family hardly even wrapped gifts or did anything for holiday's except eat. So I'm glad I can keep a few of the amazing traditions that my mom started with us kids.

I get to make more cupcakes for all of the Easter celebrations. On top of that my mother-in-law's and my sister's birthdays are all around Easter too. Craziness. That's all I've got to say about that. (Hee hee, throwback to Forrest Gump). Happy Easter Everyone!!!!!

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!

I woke up today to the sound of beautiful birds chirping by my window. I LOVE that sound. It helps me feel more in the Easter mood. My husband actually made it to the bed last night and I slept great. He usually sleeps on the couch because he falls asleep as soon as he lays down. Poor guy. Then my boys actually got out of bed and got everything ready for school on their own. They weren't even late today, which was an Easter miracle all by itself.

The little baby I watch a few days a week has horrible allergies and has a snotty nose. He slept like a champ for his first nap and I'm hoping he'll do the same for the second one. I'm getting laundry done, I dusted my furniture, and if I'm really ambitious I might mop the kitchen floor which is in bad shape. I also went grocery shopping with a 4 year old and a 6 month old and got stared at because of my hideous sunburn. Not too shabby!

Now hopefully I can get all of the laundry finished and put away, and get dinner made. It always helps to start off your day with a beautiful morning and a good attitude. A good night's sleep doesn't hurt either.

Good Day Sunshine!!!!

On Saturday my hubby and I decided to go to the land and have a burn day. We aquired our permit and began to burn anything and everything on that property just to make enough room to build a house. We got there at 7:30 A.M. and my job was to man the hose and make sure everything was soaking wet around the pit we dug. We started off with the palm prongs that we had gathered into piles a few weeks ago. About 20 seconds after Mr.D started the fire they were consumed and it was HUGE!!!! We were freaking out, running around the pit spraying the hose trying to keep it under control. We didn't burn anymore palm prongs after that. We did this for 8 hours and I got a wicked sunburn! I put sun block on 3 different times! My lungs, nose, and throat were burning when I got in the car to leave and we still weren't done. Man getting everything done in order to just build, is going to be hard.

 So my face and neck were stinging so bad this morning that I couldn't put makeup on to go to church. I was exhausted and felt like throwing up so I ditched. I hope I am forgiven for this little blip in my progression.

I don't think that I was meant for outdoor labor. My skin is extremely fair, I have horrible allergies, and extremely dry skin that cracks at the slightest disturbance. It's an ordeal just to get ready to go outside to work. I have to be covered from head to toe, sunblock on every other exposed area, allergy medicine taken, work gloves in hand, and some delicious beverage to keep me from getting dehydrated. And after I do all of that, I still can't be out in the sun for more than 3-4 hours.

Then you have my hubby who I think was born on the sun. His skin is like leather. He can go all day without taking a break or getting a drink. His hands are steel and he actually likes being in the dirt. Weird. He is a typical boy. Likes operating heavy machinery, likes playing in the dirt, and doesn't want to come inside when the sun goes down. Thank heavens I married him because nothing would get done outside if it were left up to me.

Now I have done some projects. I'm not a complete priss. One time our rose bushes were getting out of control and I asked Mr. D to trim them for a month. He was busy with work and didn't have a lot of time so I went out there and hacked them down until they were sticks sticking out of the mud. I figured that if I cut them way down, then we wouldn't have to trim them for awhile, and I was right!!!! I've also washed my car a few times in the summer. It's a big job! I drive an Excursion!

So needless to say this building a house thing is going to be a little tougher that I had originally planned. I'm sure it will be fine, and we will laugh about this someday, but right now we are looking at eachother and wondering, " What in the h---- did we get ourselves into?"

Amazed

I am actually amazed that those old feelings of wanting another baby can still come around even after everything I've been through. I went to visit a friend today that just had identical twin boys. They are precious. Tiny, soft hair, sleeping soundly precious angels. It made me sad to think that I would never have another one.
    Before I go on though let me recap my medical history so you can understand what I'm saying. I have had 4 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy. The whole time all I could think about was what was wrong with me? I was healthy and always took my prenatal vitamins. I even started taking them before I even got pregnant. Then while I was going through all of the miscarriages, a friend of mine would be having a baby, which meant baby shower's, which meant shopping for baby stuff. It was really heartbreaking to see them so excited about their new little girl because I wanted a little girl. I have three beautiful boys who I am so grateful for. But I always thought that having a little girl would complete the picture somehow.
     With the ectopic pregnancy I was sick. I almost passed out from the pain it caused and they had to terminate the pregnancy with a shot called Mexotrethate.Wicked stuff. They actually asked me is I wanted to abort the baby. I wanted to vomit from the sheer shock of having to make that decision. I didn't want to abort anything. I had contractions for 6 weeks and couldn't get off the couch the entire time. The pain was excrutiating. After that experience I honestly felt like I couldn't do this to myself anymore. The hope, the fear, the stress, and then ultimately the heartache and disappointment were too hard to bear.
     So it's been about a year and half since the last episode and I actually started to think about it again. My youngest is 4 1/2 so there would be a large gap between them. I always wanted my kids to be close. The other thing is that I was finally diagnosed with PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Your hormones are wacked out and you can't lose weight around your middle very easily. It's a mess. Even if I got pregnant, I don't know if I could keep it. Do I really want to go down that road?
   I am truly amazed that Heavenly Father loved me enough to help me during those difficult times. He actually suppressed those desires so I could get to a place of healing. For the longest time I didn't even want to think about another baby. I just didn't feel like there was another waiting. But now these thoughts are creeping back in and I think that it might be okay this time. Maybe.I'm still fighting it though. My husband would be ecstatic if I told him that I wanted to start trying again. Too bad I gave all of my baby stuff away.

Sometimes.....

 Sometimes I think it would be so fun to have another baby on the off chance that it just might be an adorable little girl this time. My friend just adopted a beautiful little girl and I was enjoying holding her. She had an adorable pink dress on with a flower in her hair that had pink feathers on it. Loved It!  Then I remembered what happens when you get them home. Not Loving It.

Sometimes I think it would be smart to go back to school. A lot of my girlfriends are, and I'm a little jealous that they are accomplishing something outside of the home. I always thought it would be neat to become a nurse or a dental Hygienist. But after feeling sorry for myself I look at my kids and realize just how important it is that I'm home for them. It's tough sometimes to feel fulfilled at home but in the scheme of things, it's more important than having a career. I'm actually lucky that I can stay home.

Sometimes I wish that I could be as skinny as my cousins'. They have all had kids and look amazing. Then there's me. I always say, "When I lose 30 lbs. I could wear something like that." The clothes that I like are meant for skinny girls. Then I realize that my hubby likes me this way. Curvy. I realize that I look like my family, just not on the same side as my cousins'. The other side. The one where my Grandma had the bluest eye's I've ever seen, and the most beautiful curly hair. So maybe it's not how big you are, it's what you do with it!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to own my own restaurant. Would I succeed? Would people like my food as much as I do? Would I be able to boss people around? Oh wait! I pretty much do own my own restaurant. It's a quaint cozy place called my kitchen and everyone who comes there seems to really enjoy the food. And believe me when I say, I serve a pretty tough crowd. I owned a catering company for awhile and it was tough. I loved it but it kind of took the fun out of cooking.

Sometimes I think about traveling the world. What would I see? Who would I meet? What would I eat? But then I get scared because something could happen to me and I would be so far from home. Pansy. Totally. If there is too much risk in something, I won't do it. It would be fun to see something other than desert though.

Sometimes I think about having money. What it would be like to pay your bills without worrying about whether or not you can get your kid glasses. It would be nice to have everything taken care of financially. But then I realize that we have been taken care of. Even though times have been frightening and heavy laden, we have always been okay in the end. It's not in our time, but the Lord's.

Sometimes I dream about what my life will be like when my kids are grown and gone. What am I going to do with myself? Are my sweet Mr. D. and I going to travel and have an exciting life? Will I volunteer somewhere? What kind of Grandma will I be? But then I realize that my life is already exciting. I never know what is going to happen next, and my darling's keep me hopping!

Sometimes I just need to be. I need to be happy where I'm at. I need to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling instead of trying to be strong. I need to be creative and not feel guilty for the cost of the project because I really don't do them that often. I need to have alone time because sometimes you can't hear yourself think until you are in the tub soaking with the door locked. I need to stop beating myself up for things that I have no control over, because really, I am doing the very best that I can everyday.

All Mixed Up

Wow. How can something so exciting be so frightening at the same time? We are ecstatic about the work our draftsman has done for us http://www.palmerhomedesign.com/  but now that we are almost done with that area it's frightening to think about how much is left and how much it's going to cost! We are officially up to 2460 sq. ft. AHHH! It got a little out of hand considering that we wanted to be around 1900. Oh well. Who needs flooring and countertops?

So the next step is to get the plans over the Pinal County and get our building permits. From what we've heard it's only taking 2-4 weeks. Wouldn't that be nice. The plan is to start building June 1. Yay!

So far we have cleared the front of the property of any and all palm prongs. They are a miserable plant and I can't wait to rip them out.  We have loaded the junk piles along with the mangled sleeper sofa with the petrified dead cat on it into the trailer. We picked up old roof shingles that were half buried in the dirt. Now we need to mow the tall grass, burn the dead trees, and rip out the Palo Verde and Mesquite trees on the property. Oh yeah! And we found someone to take the nasty trailer. He's even giving us a $4,000 tax credit. Amazing.

I am so excited to begin this journey. It really is a dream come true. Mr. D and I are scared though too. We are hoping and praying that we will have enough money to make this happen and that we will have a finished house when we are done. Amazing, Scary, Excited, Exhausted, Nervous, and Grateful. All mixed up.

The Craigslist House

I am feeling quite spoiled lately. My hubby and I have been shopping on Craigslist alot! We are going to try to build a house off of Craigslist items. Now there are some nay sayers out there that feel like we are trying to do the impossible, but that's what we do best! So far we have found roof tile, and stack stone for the front elevation. We also found a framer willing to do the work for a very decent price. It's kind of like a treasure hunt for us at  this point. Exciting!

Now my hubby has a lot of buddies in the construction business and thankfully they are all willing to help us with this project. Thank you guys!!!!!

The mobile home that is currently on the property will have a new home shortly. Mr.Dana put it on Craigslist for free and got over 150 calls. We were really impressed with one man who said that he had fallen on hard times and needed a place to live really badly. He didn't care about the condition and was excited about the potential. So I think he is going to be the lucky one to get a trailor that needs some TLC. Heaven works in mysterious ways.

This Saturday we are going to start the clean up project on the property. There is quite a bit of old junk and a lot of weeds and thorn bushes. Mr. Dana is excited to burn it all. I get to man the hose.

I can hardly believe that this all happening to us. We are so amazed at how everything seems to fall into place just at the exact moment we need it to. We have had more than one comment made about how someone must be looking out for us. We believe that to be the case too. Everything has happened too perfectly for it to be "just a coincidence". I feel like we have a whole cheering section beyond the veil and that we are being pushed, prodded, and guided to where we need to be, and what we need to do. I am so grateful.

Happiness

Happiness is a such a broad word. It's works so much better is you can define it for yourself. What makes you happy? That is a much better way to determine this all important word. Maybe it's chocolate, or a nice date with your sweetheart, or when your kids do something funny. It really could be anything.

What makes me happy? Well, quite a few things actually.
1. A really happy catchy song
2. When I cook something amazing that I made up all my myself.
3. A good movie that makes me cry or laugh.
4. When friends and family remember my birthday.
5. Creating (anything)
6. Talking to my mom or friends
7. Going out to eat. That's always a nice treat for me.
8. Taking the time to pluck my eyebrows. Hey, it doesn't happen that often!
9. Going to my parents cabin. (My favorite place in the world)
10. Finding a really cute pair of shoes that can go with anything I own. (I'm kind of practical)
11. Amazing desserts.
12. Diamonds. They actually make me smile.
13.Paying bills. I love that.
14. Spending time with my boys.
These are a few of my favorite things!

If I Had A Quarter For Everytime.........

If I had a quarter for everytime my kids miraculously got sick on a 1/2 day I would be a rich lady. My oldest came down with a mysterious stomach bug this morning and managed to throw up as proof  of it. As of now he is feeling much better and is playing outside with his brother's. Amazing. What a miracle. Can you sense the sarcasm? I was looking forward to a cleaning day and all I got was a day of whining kids.

If I had a quarter for everytime my husband and I had to make a decision together and I knew that we weren't going to agree, and sure enough we don't...... I would be loaded. We have to pick everything out for the new house together. We don't agree on anything! Needless to say, it's going to be a long 5 months.


If I had a quarter for everytime I found a mystery smell in my house...... I would be aVery rich lady. My youngest son had a habit of peeing on the carpet in the middle of the night, unconciously of course. He would pull his pull up down and let it go. We think he was sleep walking(it is hereditary). So I go in there today to wash his sheets and get a big wiff of that wonderful amonia urine smell up my nose. Mmm Mmmm. So I cleaned the carpet by hand and it still won't go away. Good thing we're moving.

There are quite a few things that happen to me on a regular basis. So I'm pretty confident that if I were to get paid everytime one of these delightful things happened to me,,, I would be living like a queen. Cheerio!