Sometimes.....

 Sometimes I think it would be so fun to have another baby on the off chance that it just might be an adorable little girl this time. My friend just adopted a beautiful little girl and I was enjoying holding her. She had an adorable pink dress on with a flower in her hair that had pink feathers on it. Loved It!  Then I remembered what happens when you get them home. Not Loving It.

Sometimes I think it would be smart to go back to school. A lot of my girlfriends are, and I'm a little jealous that they are accomplishing something outside of the home. I always thought it would be neat to become a nurse or a dental Hygienist. But after feeling sorry for myself I look at my kids and realize just how important it is that I'm home for them. It's tough sometimes to feel fulfilled at home but in the scheme of things, it's more important than having a career. I'm actually lucky that I can stay home.

Sometimes I wish that I could be as skinny as my cousins'. They have all had kids and look amazing. Then there's me. I always say, "When I lose 30 lbs. I could wear something like that." The clothes that I like are meant for skinny girls. Then I realize that my hubby likes me this way. Curvy. I realize that I look like my family, just not on the same side as my cousins'. The other side. The one where my Grandma had the bluest eye's I've ever seen, and the most beautiful curly hair. So maybe it's not how big you are, it's what you do with it!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to own my own restaurant. Would I succeed? Would people like my food as much as I do? Would I be able to boss people around? Oh wait! I pretty much do own my own restaurant. It's a quaint cozy place called my kitchen and everyone who comes there seems to really enjoy the food. And believe me when I say, I serve a pretty tough crowd. I owned a catering company for awhile and it was tough. I loved it but it kind of took the fun out of cooking.

Sometimes I think about traveling the world. What would I see? Who would I meet? What would I eat? But then I get scared because something could happen to me and I would be so far from home. Pansy. Totally. If there is too much risk in something, I won't do it. It would be fun to see something other than desert though.

Sometimes I think about having money. What it would be like to pay your bills without worrying about whether or not you can get your kid glasses. It would be nice to have everything taken care of financially. But then I realize that we have been taken care of. Even though times have been frightening and heavy laden, we have always been okay in the end. It's not in our time, but the Lord's.

Sometimes I dream about what my life will be like when my kids are grown and gone. What am I going to do with myself? Are my sweet Mr. D. and I going to travel and have an exciting life? Will I volunteer somewhere? What kind of Grandma will I be? But then I realize that my life is already exciting. I never know what is going to happen next, and my darling's keep me hopping!

Sometimes I just need to be. I need to be happy where I'm at. I need to feel whatever it is that I'm feeling instead of trying to be strong. I need to be creative and not feel guilty for the cost of the project because I really don't do them that often. I need to have alone time because sometimes you can't hear yourself think until you are in the tub soaking with the door locked. I need to stop beating myself up for things that I have no control over, because really, I am doing the very best that I can everyday.