Copycat Letters

One of my adorable friends from way back when sometimes posts letters to "anonymous" people about her frustrations, delights, and appreciation. I love the idea. I thinks it's adorable and allows me to get it all out without specifically pinpointing someone. So here goes. Thanks Rachel Dixon!

Dear Insecure woman,
I'm sorry that you don't want to me to cook anything and bring it to share because it makes you feel inadequate. My advice to you would be to spend the hours in the kitchen like I have over the years practicing different recipes and making my poor family eat them until they are perfect. Nothing makes a good cook like practice. It's not my fault that you have to be the center of attention all of the time and can't let somebody else feel the lime light a little bit. Get over yourself.
P.S. I will never give you another recipe of mine again so you can take credit for it. Get your own, loser.
Sincerely,
A confident cook


Dear Inconsiderate person,
I know that when someone offers you something for free it's amazing and you want to get as much as possible. But guess what? There are billions of other people on this planet who might need or want that stuff as much as you. The next time the opportunity arises, please think of others and leave enough left for someone else. Hoarding is a serious epidemic in this country. If we all share a little bit more and think a little bit less of ourselves, things might be a little better for everyone. I would hate to see you end up on a T.V. show about people who can't control themselves. Think about it.
Sincerely,
A concerned citizen

Dear Perfect Mother,
I love how you think that your mothering skills are the end all to be all answer to every one's mothering quandaries. FYI your children are bullies and stuck up brats. They way more cavities than normal and dress like they are homeless while you go shopping for yourself. You are fine with monitoring other people's children but when your kids are talked to, you become defensive. You have given them a god complex and I can't wait to see it when someone knocks your perfect children off of their pedestals. You have crippled them from ever being thoughtful or kind to anyone and in having normal healthy relationships because no one will build them up in their minds as much as you. Great job! You have now created children who will never leave your home and constantly complain about how something is wrong with everyone else.
P.S. If your kid picks on my kid one more time..... I will take care of it myself if you won't.
Sincerely,
Karma is a b....

Dear Brat,
I was hoping that the reason you were being so unkind was due to apparent fact that you are pregnant and not feeling well. I have now come to the conclusion that it is just you. I am very happy for you that you work full time and make an absorbent amount of money and can buy whatever you want. I'm also happy for you that you can take as many vacations as you want. But the fact that you are such a cheap skate when it comes to buying everyday items and feel the need to take more of free produce than you could possibly need to feed your little family is too much. The world does not revolve around you. I actually feel bad for you and your bubble life. Appreciate what you have now because it could all be gone in a second. Oh and also, just because your on top now, doesn't mean you get to kick others when their down. When your turn comes around to be down, those people you kicked may not be there to help you.
Sincerely,
Tired of trying to make an effort

Dear My sweet Mr D.,
Just a little note to thank you for trying so hard to make Mother's Day fun. The fishing trip you planned with your entire family was thoughtful, but I'm glad we're home. Thanks for remembering to order me a corsage from one of the scouts at church a few weeks ago. That was a nice surprise. I appreciate your effort and love you very much.
Thanks,
Your appreciative wife


Dear workout mom,
I know you work out because you come to school and pick up your children wearing the most revealing work out clothes I have ever seen. You have a great body. Thanks for showing it to everyone and sharing. I have a little secret for you though....... I can really do without it. Save it for your husband.... at home.... when your alone. Some things need to be kept to yourself. Like what kind of underwear you wear. That's a private thing. Or what size breasts you have. That's not supposed to be common knowledge. I think it's great that you work out. I do too! I just don't have to broadcast it to the world through the way I dress and present myself. Tone it down and be an example of a confident woman who doesn't seek the approval and attention of the world. Internally know you're awesome and leave it at that.
Sincerely,
A mother of young boys


Dear Ms. Holier than thou,
I love how we learn to love everyone at church and to not compare or belittle others. And yet I find that there a few of us that feel that we are doing so much better than everyone else. We feel that because we are "perfect" we have the discernment to judge others and gossip about them frequently. We somehow magically know what they are thinking and feeling and therefore know what they are going to do or how they are going to react. It's disgusting. Leave me out of those conversations please.
Sincerely,
Someone trying to do the right thing.